Saturday, July 14, 2012

Mission Accomplished - Huge Accomplishment!

Thank you all of you sweet friends and family who have checked in with me today to make sure we arrived in Flagstaff safe and sound. WE DID!!:)

We left a lot later then I had planned. But the heat and no A/C in the van didn't actually become a very big problem. We were truly blessed in so many ways. Just the fact that I was able to overcome a serious phobia of driving long and unfamiliar roads by myself, with my children, alone, was a huge step forward for me. I look forward to overcoming more struggles and fears throughout the next few days and weeks as I drive my kids around Flagstaff alone. Well, let's be honest, I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to it, but I know it will be good for me in the long run and it will get easier as the days go by.

The trip was a good one. My boys were troopers and handled things well. They watched a DVD called "How Things are Made." And I listened to an Amish Romance novel. As I was driving up the Kiabab mountain it was so beautiful and the smell coming through the windows and vents was so yummy. Cedar, rain, and juniper, MMM! I felt guilty that my boys were glued to a DVD screen and missing out on the beauty around them. But then I decided not to feel guilty. Everything has a time and a season. The beauty that my boys were enjoying was just the journey and moment together. As we grow older, our view of the beauty around us expands.

We hit a heavy rainfall as I wound up the mountain. Really Heavy! Luckily it didn't last very long and I was able to stay below panic mode and pray my way through the storm. So grateful all went well! We stopped at House Rock Valley out in the middle of no where on the drive. It was fun to take my boys out there and let them climb around and explore. We saw carvings of travelers from the 1800's who had passed along the way. I didn't realize that some of the rocks and structures were actually homes in the early 1900's. Before I stopped, I din't even know the place had a name. It just looked cool from the side of the road. WOW! That's all I can say to the thought of living out there day after day. Ugg!

We had a lot of fun climbing the hills to get a better view of the area. I was a little nervous for a minute because I made the mistake of letting us all climb a steeper hill without thinking about the fact that we would need to get DOWN. But I just gritted my teeth and smiled for the boys and grabbed JJ's hand, hoping he wouldn't drag us both down the hill. I took my flip flop shoes off and dug my feet into the hot rocks and sand and prayed my way down the hill. We all made it down the hill thanks to Jakob's strong help towards the end.

We were going to stop and "walk on the moon" (Leif and I call the gray crater like rocks and landscape outside of Flagstaff  "The Moon." but we didn't stop because it was raining. The cool temps and rain throughout the drive made a huge difference in our trip. All in all, it turned out well and I am really glad we came. We're working out the little kinks here and there in the routine and ways of how things are going to be while we're together for the next two weeks. But the good-ness of being all together far out way the kinks, in the end.

My dad and I (mostly my dad;) came up with a cute metaphor this morning as we talked that fits our life well right now,"it isn't about how rough the road is, it's about the roses we pick along the way." I love it more every time I think about it Dad, thanks!

Thanks again everyone who's check in with me. I'm sorry it's hit and miss when you call me these days. My phone is pretty tempermental these days after it's plunge in the toilet. Keep trying to reach me. And know that all is well in the meantime.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Sunshine through the Storm Clouds

Sitting here at my kitchen table eating dark chocolate M&Ms- Listening to Lady Antebellum on Pandora - Lights are out - Kids are finally asleep - Air conditioning humming in the background finally says its under 80 degrees in the house - It's my time - Time to try to breathe - Time to try to wrap my head around life and its realities - I put dinner on the table tonight, strapped the Littles in their highchairs - and walked out the door.

Walking - Away - Not too far - Just Away - Away from the flying Hot Pocket - Away from the screams - Away from the spilled breakfast cereal still on the floor - Away from the broken A/C in the new mini van - Away from the broken Wii (A.K.A Netflix) remotes - Away from the emptiness of my evenings - Away

And then I looked up. I looked up and I saw the sun shine through the storm clouds. And just for a moment, I knew - I knew that through all of the storms - Through all of the loneliness - Through all of the disappointments - Beauty still exists - We just have to look up! And some how - Some day - Some way - All will be well. - All will be well!

  • Leif came home for the 4th of July and we had a wonderful time together in beautiful Alton, Utah with good family and friends, and most importantly, we were together.
  • My doctor called me to tell me that there isn't an endocrinologist anywhere within a five hours drive. But he called one and was told to have me get an MRI and Mammogram. I have to go to Flagstaff for those tests, 3 hours south. A good excuse to go see Leif. 
  • One of Leif's roommates moved out and left an empty room for the last two weeks of July. We took the opportunity as a blessing and I will take the boys and we will be with Leif for two weeks. So Grateful!
  • Unfortunately, the Air Conditioner in our new van went out this week. I will be driving without A/C for a while. But, I am grateful for the four wheels and engine that gets me around. So Grateful!
  • I can't wait to get away. I need to get away and back to the other half of my heart. 
  • Can't Wait!

Monday, July 02, 2012

Another Long Pause: Answers or Not. Good Things to Come.

Hello everyone, I'm still here. I just find that when life gets to a certain point of stressful, I pull away. So if you notice that it's been a while since I've posted. Or you write me and I take a few days to get back to you, most likely the best thing to do is just send a prayer up for me and wait for me to come around. Or, you can drop by or send me a note. That would work too.

Anyway, I need to make this update quick. I'm going to take on a fear today. I am going to drive a long distance on my own. I feel good about it. But I need to get going. I'm going shopping to the nearest Wal-Mart. About an hour away.

Well, I got the test results for my health. As usual everything was apparently considered in the normal range. I'm still not completely well. But I have learned to just put things aside sometimes and let God take it on. I'm not very good at letting go sometimes. But I try. Gratefully, I have managed to continue to find strength enough to keep things afloat. If I can find it in me to be cheerful during the day, then my boys are able to follow my lead. Otherwise, life is an utter nightmare!

On my bad days I have had a most serious desire and consideration to strap my boys in the van and drive to North Carolina. Believe it or not my boys enjoy trips like this as long as they have a movie, food, water, and their blankets. I think they feel safe in the world while on road trips together (in our new van). They still need space around them But I think it would be amazing to take the trip. But, it's not to be. This has been hard for me. I often feel so alone and anxiety ridden at home. But we might have some light to look towards. One of the rooms in the house Leif lives in is going to be empty for two weeks in July. We are HOPING that the kids and I might be able to stay in it for that time. I can't tell you how wonderful that would be. We're waiting to hear back if it is available. I am praying that it is!!

So that's a short and sweet version of life and the things to come! I hope you're all having a great Summer! We've had many good memories and we look forward to a long holiday weekend with Papa! We love Independence Day!! This year I think we will try to make our first Family Flag as well as celebrating the greatness and beauty of our country. We will also take some time to thank and honor the men and women who serve and sacrifice to keep our country safe and free to choose. I look forward to the weekend!
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