Friday, April 22, 2022

Today, I'm Grateful to say that my doctor was kind when I requested a prescription of Lamictal for Bipolar II Disorder. I was worried that he would make me wait until Psych could get me in. But instead, he asked for a clarification of my diagnosis from the past and my past and present symptoms of the disorder. He then confirmed with Psych that he could write the script and that I would follow up as soon as they can get me in. 

I knelt down today, and prayed to my Father in Heaven that this medication and other services that Psych can offer will be life changing for me and for my family.  I pled for His blessing on my desire to care for my family  steadily. Without bad days, weeks, or months breaking up any progress that is made.

I know that He hears my prayers and will do what is best. And that He is with us come what may. But I do have a good feeling about the future. 

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Psych Help In California

Did you know that during the 3 years of living in California that I have been turned down for psych services at least 6 times! SIX Times!!! If I were suicidal, I would be dead right now. And I wish that was a joke. It's far from a joking matter! 

I have reached out all of these different times so that I could get a prescription for the proper medication and possibly some counseling. Or even better, a series of EMDR treatments. 

Why have I been turned away, you ask? Because my case is too complicated for their "specialized services." In other words, the doctors have deliberately chosen to go the easy route in psych services. My case requires navigating through medical issues as well as psych issues. 

It blows me away that in a field so vital, it is By Far the hardest field in the medical world to navigate. In the first place, multiple phone calls are required to even begin the process of getting help. And that right there folks, is a HUGE issue for someone with fragile mental health. Making a phone call that actually requires you to speak to a person AND answer questions sensibly, is comparable to trying to eat an elephant. It's pretty much impossible.

And the couple of times I gathered my strength and follow through to sign up online for online therapy, I was denied service because my case is too complicated. 

Have no fear for me though, my story is about to get better, I hope!! I made the two different phone calls through our insurance to get an appointment, assured them that yes, indeed our guns are locked up. And no, I am not feeling suicidal or homicidal. And finally, it was arranged for me to have an Evaluation appointment in TWELVE DAYS from now. Lol! 🤣🤣🤣 Do you know what can evolve in two weeks time when someone's mental health is in a fluid state. A Lot can happen. But, again, all will be well. I'm pretty accustomed to riding these waves. "Baby Steps." "Baby Steps." 😉😉😉 #whataboutbobjoke

Sunday, April 10, 2022

Pray for our future leadership

Today I watched the first episode of the documentary series called WWII IN COLOR ROAD TO VICTORY. As I listened to the story of Winston Churchill and the miracle of Dunkirk, my mind naturally reflected on the current war. Which I believe is only the beginning of a greater war. 

First, I reflected on the current troop numbers in the current war. And the total casualties up to now. Not to demean them in any way; but the number of troops gathered at Dunkirk and the number of casualties they had up to that point is unfathomable to us in this generation. We're talking, half a MILLION troops, killed in only the beginning of the war. That is something I pray that we won't have face again.

The next thing that came to me was the two types of leadership that were working on laying out a plan that they each thought was the right path. Halifax, ready to surrender and have "peace talks" which very likely would not ultimately bring peace to the lives of the Britain's. And then Churchhill, the believer and the Never Surrender leader who inspired the nation to press forward to Victory. 

We have two years until the United States holds their next presidential election. My overwhelming feeling is that our nation needs to become united in prayer in preparation for that election. Not praying for a certain person or party. But specifically praying that through the inspired election process and the freedom for the people to choose, simply pray that God will place to leader whose destiny it is to lead our country with honor, intelligence, wisdom gained through experience, courage, and determination.

Friday, April 08, 2022

I Pray

I turned off the news for a couple of weeks. The pain and heaviness that I felt for the children of Ukraine was too heavy and I could do Nothing but pray for them. I literally had to pray to Father to sever the cord of feeling and empathy I was feeling. So that I could find some peace and step away for a while. He absolutely did that for me. It was a clear difference. Although I did have several dreams about children I was searching for. Trains. Mass destruction and fast and furious retreats. So obviously I still feel something. 

This week Russia pulled out of the North cities that they were devastating for the last month. They're regrouping and going to move to the East. They couldn't take Kiev like they'd hoped. But the absolute horror of what they left behind in the towns is as powerful and as barbaric as the atrocities done during WWII. We're talking executions, mass graves, and the unimaginable; mobile crematorium.

Today the Russian's fired a missile into a train station in the East where people were trying to evaluate before being invaded. Why they've waited until now? Leif and I wonder.🤔 Honestly, today's attack could have been so much worse! I pray none of the trains are taken out. 

My brother Jason has a long distance girlfriend who lives in Odesa in the South. CNN just said that today there were three attacks there. The beginning in that area. I wonder how she and her family are...?

It's all a horrible feeling of helplessness. Not being part of the leadership who make the decisions on how to help. Or, IF to help. It's a horrible feeling. 

I ask myself and God what I can do to help.  The impression I get is that there will be a time in the future when I might be able to physically help. But for now, my charge is to build strong men who can go out and succeed despite the world chaos that they will undoubtedly face. Let alone the fact that they will also have a family to care for. I pray now for their future wife's. I pray that they are being prepared and taught how to remain strong through mighty storms. ... I Pray.
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