Thursday, February 23, 2012

Why Are We Not Going?

I let everyone know last night that Leif will be leaving to Flagstaff this Summer and that we (myself and the kids) will be staying here at home for the year that he will be in the program. I figured it would be easier to answer the big question of WHY here on the blog instead of the comments section.

The answer is simple: Money. We simply don't have enough money to pay rent for the whole family to live there. No, we don't have any more loan or grant money for another Bachelors degree. Yes, that's a huge bummer! No, we're not sure how we are going to pay for all of Leif's schooling and our current living expenses. Yes, we're living on a prayer and hoping for scholarships. Leif will also be selling the Day Spa. That should help a lot.

Leif says that if we could find a miracle and move all of us out there we would. But I'm not sure that's what is meant to happen. Or rather, maybe I have a choice to make. I could search out a way, I'm a firm believer in the "where there's a will there's a way" theory. But I think I would be eliminating a journey that I need to take. It is by far the hardest thing that I have faced so far (yes, the hardest) but I think that I need to face it. Ever since 2006 when we lost our girls I have allowed Leif to be my enabler. He has carried a huge portion of our load in life. I have leaned on him and ultimately lost my confidence in a lot of things. I think Father in Heaven is giving me an opportunity to find myself again and regain my inner strength. I pray that I will succeed. My natural instinct is to shrink back and beg to find a way for us to come with him.  But I think it would be a big mistake.

Someone, please remind me of this post over and over again throughout this upcoming journey. I am truly terrified. If I think too deeply and start making lists of the reasons for my fear I am too overwhelmed to move forward. So I won't do that. This will be an amazing journey. A defining moment in our life together as a family. I know I don't have to ask, but I will anyway, please pray for us and All will be well!


Melonee said...

You can do it! I'll be praying for you, Lena. I also lean a lot on my husband, but as I posted a few weeks ago, we DO have the strength and ability within us to do hard things! Your hard thing is a lot longer than mine was, but you're going to amaze yourself. I just know it!

Lena Baron said...

Thanks Melonee!!

Faith 'n Family said...

A leap of faith! We are here for you!

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