Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Our Reality in a Nutshell

I decided to hurry and blog about life before the afternoon (3:00) hits and I start in on my "next" day, which usually consists of me feeling sad and lonely at the end of it. So here I am.

I say "next" day because I feel like every day is more like two days in one. Once Jakob gets home from school we start in on ball games and practices, homework, showers, and our nighttime routine. It's so busy and I Really Really don't like being pulled in so many directions and having to follow the school system's rules and requirements (ie homework.) It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be physically without Leif. I have been truly blessed. But I miss his companionship a lot toward the end of the day.

We are VERY grateful for Skype. We are able to use the webcam over the internet together to visit and continue our nighttime routine as a family before bed. I've rigged a bench seat together in front of the computer from one of our table leaves. This makes it possible for all three boys to sit at the computer. Leif and the kids update on their days, Leif tells stories or reads from the Fable Haven series (Jakob listens to that with headphones while the little boys play around near by.) Then Leif and the boys usually play a little game over the internet with Leif (connect four, battleship, paint, etc.) Then Papa reads scriptures, we pray, and then Caleb insists that Papa go climb in his own bed before we close the call.

It has been three nights since Leif left. I'm hoping that this will be the night where I won't be wiping secret tears away during our Skype chats. However, the boys seem to be handling Leif's absence very well. In a lot of ways it has strengthened my relationship with the boys. They have to depend on me for more then they ever have. So far, so good. The absolute hardest moments have been the couple of times that Caleb has cried after I put him to bed and asked for a kiss from Papa. Those request break my heart! Thank heavens for quick phone calls.

Leif and I made a blog called "Love Letters Along the Way." This is where we write to each other. It's a good way to keep things organized. But I'm grateful for it because so far often I'm not able to talk much by the time Leif and I get to Skype or I'll just cry. So this is where I can tell Leif how I feel and work through my emotions. So, if this blog becomes neglected from my every day conversation, most likely I've just been writing to Leif.:) Sorry, that blog's not public;) 

Well, it's time to get started on my next day. And that's my life in a nutshell. :) 

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