Sunday, June 24, 2012

Life - Love - Happenings (The Very Strange and the Most Lovely)

It's been well over a week since I've blogged. I think it's so interesting that the times when I would like to record the life lesson's forced upon me are the times when I write the very least. Such a bummer!

So much is happening every moment of every day. I just can't keep up with it all. Leif came home this weekend. That is always such a wonderful treat. But having to say goodbye again is so disturbing in so many ways that we're not sure how often he'll be coming home any more. And besides that, the car Leif drives it trying to give out so we're nervous to have him drive over the mountain in the heat of the Summer. And starting this Fall semester he'll have clinical's and classes every day of the week. So we'll see what happens. Life is ever changing. Maybe we'll end up moving out there to Flagstaff anyway. Who knows... There is A LOT more to do out there and a hand full of great schools. So, who knows what tomorrow brings...
Well, I haven't written partly because there are some unanswered questions on the horizon regarding my health and I just didn't feel like writing about it. But waiting too long just builds up the list of updates. Anyway... Well, although I've felt better this last month and a half then I have in a long time. I started noticing a shadow of fatigue and weirdness the last couple weeks that was trying to make it's way into the scheme of things. Things like days or hours of extreme wellness and energy and then a crashing effect to end it. And my hair has been falling out like it did after giving birth. I got a rash on my arms that has gradually spread to my legs and face and has turned into terrible hives. And for a few days straight I had Horrible scary  headaches. And then I started to get sharp lower abdominal pains. And with all of that coming and going, I excused each of them away as hormones, cat allergies, sinus infections, etc. And then I found something that shocked the heck out of me and got my full attention. I realized that I am lactating. Yep, you read it right. No pregnancy, no recent birth, but breast milk production. And yes, it FREAKED me out! Needless to say, I got in to the doctor the next day.

They took lots of blood for testing and we're hoping for results tomorrow. The doctors' guess is that my thyroid is extremely out of balance uhh, ya think!?;) . Or I could have a tumor on my pituitary glad that is causing imbalance. But most likely just a funky thyroid. Either way, I have gradually felt more and more sick and I really look forward to finding the answers and a way to restore my well-being. The couple of days that I had Leif here to make it possible for me to sleep a lot was Heavenly. I knew I was tired when I was able to fall into a deep sleep while everything kept going on around the house. I think we'll be frequenting the video store and Netflix a lot this week.  I desperately wish there were summer programs/camps as an occasional option for my kids around here. I am such a bear when I get all messed up like this. It's horrible!  If you've seen the latest Disney movie called Brave, just picture me as the mother in the story. Yep, that's Jakob and I to a T!  A nightmare, really. But somehow, we'll survive.
Okay, enough about me and the lovely happenings within. Let's move on to the true lovely's. My Boys!
Oh how to put it all into words??? My sweet Jakob is teetering in the middle of wanting to be all grown up and rule-less and still wanting to be cuddled and reassured with the comforts of being a baby. It's a very delicate balance that I'm trying to navigate and not cause permanent damage. Seriously, whoever said boys aren't emotional never raised a son - or three! And then my precious Caleb and all of his tee shirt, shorts, and cowboy boots glory! One minute I just want to scoop him up and snuggle and smooch up all of his adorableness and the next minute my teeth are crumbling as I grit them and haul him to his room for time-out. Today he managed to dump out my brand new (and only pair) of contact lenses while he was in the bathroom. But in the same day he called me outside just to show me the beauty of the pink and orange feather clouds in the sky at sunset. How can you not Love these boys!? And my Sweet Sweet baby boy JJ... What a gift it has been to discover that sometimes all he needs to sooth him out of his strange tantrums is to be held in my arms for an uninterrupted moment. This is a new and cherished blessing. JJ loves to line up his toys as he plays. The other day I couldn't find him in grandma's backyard where I had left him and I found him up in our living room. He had pulled out a handful of forks and was poking them into the carpet all lined up in an intricate straight pattern.  If I ever come upon a line of trucks, or cars, or rocks, I know JJ's been near by. Jakob used to do the same thing when he was JJ's age. I need to compare photos. Caleb too as I think back on it. Such an interesting thing. JJ talks more at this age then either of his brother's ever did. It's really nice to here him babble and say things. And man can he tell a story. He'll go on and on (in his own language of course.)

  • Caleb ran in from playing outside with the hose and mud and yelled "Mama! Come quick and see these creatures!" I thought for sure he had caught a tarantula or a mouse. It was a group of potato bugs and such. Pheww! 
  • JJ pulled out the shoes from the shoe closet a lot this week and tried on everyone's shoes for size. 
  • Jakob started swimming lessons and is thrilled to be the strongest swimmer in his class. He is thrilled to be able to jump off the diving board on his own now. Even if the teacher did throw him off the first time. Believe it or not he doesn't relate the story with the reality that she threw him. He just says he was scared to death but forced himself to jump. I saw the whole thing and I just about blew my top! Luckily I kept my cool and he's worked through the anxiety. Even if he was sick to his stomach the next lesson. Uggg! 
  • Caleb was in time out for some forgotten reason and he was furious at me. I heard him talking to himself, verbalizing how he was feeling and what he was thinking. Suddenly, I heard him say he didn't like me anymore and I heard him tearing down the car posters that he and I had worked together to tape up a while ago (I guess they represented a part of me within the room.) I wondered if he would tear down the poster of Christ holding a little lamb that was up with the cars as well. I went into his room a while later and found it fascinating that every car was down but Christ's picture is still up. Interesting...
  • I took the boys to a friend's house for the afternoon. On the way home Jakob told me that he and his friend (a girl) had climbed the mountain up against the house. He said that as they were climbing his friend called out "be free, have fun!" and his reply was, "but- Safety First!" I called Leif immediately to discuss the uniqueness of our son... I think we should be grateful(?)
  • Caleb has had quite the journey with the kittens. They have had to learn to just cry out when they're really scared or just deal with his "loving." However, he did almost (albeit accidentally) smash the kittens at one point. They were cuddled behind the rocking chair and he climbed up on the chair and it fell down on top of them. They were screaming and I was hysterical. I thought for sure he had finally ended one of them, and yes, I did tell him so. After making sure that surprisingly they were all okay I locked him in his room and promptly built a gate to lock the kittens behind for their own safety. Gratefully, the experience shook Caleb up and registered in his mind enough that I have only had to put the kitties away a handful of times. And some of those were to keep them from JJ. Ahhh, the joys!!
  • This evening I let the boys stay outside later then usual to jump on the trampoline in the cool evening. Suddenly I heard Jakob screaming at the top of his lungs over and over. I thought for sure I would come out to see a dismembered finger or something. When I walked down the stairs Jakob was holding his hand and his skin was green. From experience he knew that he needed to lay down, or faint. Luckily he laid down. But whatever had happened really hurt! He was having a hard time catching his breath and he asked me if he could puke. I told him No and calmly told him to follow my breathing. In the meantime I was trying to asses the hand without drawing his attention to it. It took a few minutes for him to get the oxygen regulated and his body calmed down. Thank heavens there wasn't any blood or we'd be Toast! Apparently Caleb accidentally landed on Jakob's hand while they were jumping just hard enough to hyper-extend it. Lovely! It's sprained enough that he couldn't climb up into his loft tonight. He and Caleb had a sleep over in Caleb's room. Such an annoying yet fascinating pain issue...  
  • My FIL bought me a book about behavior modification for children. Should I take that as a hint!?... Probably;) But I'll admit that I could use all of the help I can get with my boys. They are a handful. Cherished, but not easy. 


Molly said...

Sounds like too much is going on! I'm so sorry about your health. I hope they are able to figure out what is going on and help you. I sure wish we could get Jakob out here. The offer is still open - anytime for as long as you can. Glad you are taking the time to see the beauty and the joyful things that go on everyday despite the problems. Hugs your way!!

Leif said...

Hello Honey,

I enjoyed being home this weekend. I'm sorry you have the harder part of this journey.

I'm glad you had a chance to blog! Love you!

Sandra said...

That is nice that Leif could come home. I can imagine that it would be harder to have him come and go like that. As for your question on my blog. We have a nine passenger Yukon. We got it just in case we were to have baby number seven. Since we know we are done it's still nice to have since we take my neighbor a lot of places with us. Hope this week is a good one for you. Will they get your Thyroid stuff figured out soon.

Faith 'n Family said...

Life has so many decisions. Thanks for the update. Looking forward to catching up more with you on everything that's going on. Best Wishes with this journey!! We are here for you - please call me anytime!

Heidi Hamilton said...

Wow. Really. wow. So many things happening!! Some so bizarre! SO Sorry you're going through all these health issues along with not having your good husband there as well. We'll keep prayin' for you & your family!

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