Sunday, June 10, 2012

Post Visit Blues and a Song Dedication (Never Alone, Lady Antebellum)

I need to write tonight. I really want a huge bowl of ice cream too. But it's late... and I'm too tired to get the ice cream out. But then again...

Leif came home for a visit this weekend. It had been two weeks since he was able to visit last. Honestly, I'm not sure what it was about this visit, but WOW! I've had a hard time turning off the tears. I started last night and again when I had to see him off and, uggg.... If you've ever felt the reality of a true aching heart, you know that it is no fun. I've felt much like I did the first day he left for school. However, there is one huge difference. At that point I really didn't know if I was going to make it alone. I had no idea how the kids were going to react. And, although I knew the Lord said He would make things work, I had No idea How he would do it. Now I have a few more answers and a stronger conviction of our Father's Love. I will make it through this. I am not alone. Kids are incredibly flexible and resilient as long as a few specific needs are met. And truly, I stand all amazed at the Love Jesus offers me.

There are two Really hard things about Leif being away at school. I am lonely. Busy, but lonely. And I am terrible at taking care of myself nutritionally. I need to force myself to go to sleep earlier. I find myself staying up for hours after I put the kids to bed just because that is the only time I am alone. But toward the end of last week and into this weekend my body has been screaming at me for better care. I am so grateful and thrilled to say that I've lost around 20  pounds since Valentines day. I know this has blessed me in so many ways. I've taken medicine to help me along the way. The medicine has been a blessing in more then just weight loss. I feel like in may ways I have come back to life. But the appetite suppressant forces me to be responsible and eat even when I don't feel like eating. I'm being responsible, but not great.

I'm babbling...

I just needed to talk tonight. I also need to get to bed. Tomorrow is another day and it will be a good one. Like my Jakob told me today, "no one can make you angry!" Wonder where he got that!? Smarty Pants! But he's right.  Peace is a choice. I will make the choice to wake up and find the joy in tomorrow, come what may.

Leif dedicated this song to me a little while back and I will try to remember it as I take on this upcoming week. He made a video with our own pictures. But I can't put it on here right now (it's on our Love Letters Along the Way blog.) So I found this one instead. Thank you My Love for finding these words that fit your love so well... I hope you readers enjoy them as much as I do.


Heidi Hamilton said...

We continue to pray for you & your sweet family. I would really love to plan a trip there now that they fixed the road. Maybe sometime in July - after we move? Would love to see you & visit.
What a sweet, precious song. Love it.

Faith 'n Family said...

I spent the evening on your blog tonight. Thank you for your sweet testimony that there is comfort and help from on high even through our darkest hours. I am so glad that you got to go to MO as a family and have those special memories :) Much love!

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