Life - Love - Happenings (The Very Strange and the Most Lovely)

It's been well over a week since I've blogged. I think it's so interesting that the times when I would like to record the life lesson's forced upon me are the times when I write the very least. Such a bummer!

So much is happening every moment of every day. I just can't keep up with it all. Leif came home this weekend. That is always such a wonderful treat. But having to say goodbye again is so disturbing in so many ways that we're not sure how often he'll be coming home any more. And besides that, the car Leif drives it trying to give out so we're nervous to have him drive over the mountain in the heat of the Summer. And starting this Fall semester he'll have clinical's and classes every day of the week. So we'll see what happens. Life is ever changing. Maybe we'll end up moving out there to Flagstaff anyway. Who knows... There is A LOT more to do out there and a hand full of great schools. So, who knows what tomorrow brings...

Well, I haven't written partly because there are some unanswered questions on the horizon regarding my health and I just didn't feel like writing about it. But waiting too long just builds up the list of updates. Anyway... Well, although I've felt better this last month and a half then I have in a long time. I started noticing a shadow of fatigue and weirdness the last couple weeks that was trying to make it's way into the scheme of things. Things like days or hours of extreme wellness and energy and then a crashing effect to end it. And my hair has been falling out like it did after giving birth. I got a rash on my arms that has gradually spread to my legs and face and has turned into terrible hives. And for a few days straight I had Horrible scary  headaches. And then I started to get sharp lower abdominal pains. And with all of that coming and going, I excused each of them away as hormones, cat allergies, sinus infections, etc. And then I found something that shocked the heck out of me and got my full attention. I realized that I am lactating. Yep, you read it right. No pregnancy, no recent birth, but breast milk production. And yes, it FREAKED me out! Needless to say, I got in to the doctor the next day.

They took lots of blood for testing and we're hoping for results tomorrow. The doctors' guess is that my thyroid is extremely out of balance uhh, ya think!?;) . Or I could have a tumor on my pituitary glad that is causing imbalance. But most likely just a funky thyroid. Either way, I have gradually felt more and more sick and I really look forward to finding the answers and a way to restore my well-being. The couple of days that I had Leif here to make it possible for me to sleep a lot was Heavenly. I knew I was tired when I was able to fall into a deep sleep while everything kept going on around the house. I think we'll be frequenting the video store and Netflix a lot this week.  I desperately wish there were summer programs/camps as an occasional option for my kids around here. I am such a bear when I get all messed up like this. It's horrible!  If you've seen the latest Disney movie called Brave, just picture me as the mother in the story. Yep, that's Jakob and I to a T!  A nightmare, really. But somehow, we'll survive.

Okay, enough about me and the lovely happenings within. Let's move on to the true lovely's. My Boys!
Oh how to put it all into words??? My sweet Jakob is teetering in the middle of wanting to be all grown up and rule-less and still wanting to be cuddled and reassured with the comforts of being a baby. It's a very delicate balance that I'm trying to navigate and not cause permanent damage. Seriously, whoever said boys aren't emotional never raised a son - or three! And then my precious Caleb and all of his tee shirt, shorts, and cowboy boots glory! One minute I just want to scoop him up and snuggle and smooch up all of his adorableness and the next minute my teeth are crumbling as I grit them and haul him to his room for time-out. Today he managed to dump out my brand new (and only pair) of contact lenses while he was in the bathroom. But in the same day he called me outside just to show me the beauty of the pink and orange feather clouds in the sky at sunset. How can you not Love these boys!? And my Sweet Sweet baby boy JJ... What a gift it has been to discover that sometimes all he needs to sooth him out of his strange tantrums is to be held in my arms for an uninterrupted moment. This is a new and cherished blessing. JJ loves to line up his toys as he plays. The other day I couldn't find him in grandma's backyard where I had left him and I found him up in our living room. He had pulled out a handful of forks and was poking them into the carpet all lined up in an intricate straight pattern.  If I ever come upon a line of trucks, or cars, or rocks, I know JJ's been near by. Jakob used to do the same thing when he was JJ's age. I need to compare photos. Caleb too as I think back on it. Such an interesting thing. JJ talks more at this age then either of his brother's ever did. It's really nice to here him babble and say things. And man can he tell a story. He'll go on and on (in his own language of course.)
RANDOM HAPPENINGS:

• Caleb ran in from playing outside with the hose and mud and yelled "Mama! Come quick and see these creatures!" I thought for sure he had caught a tarantula or a mouse. It was a group of potato bugs and such. Pheww! 
• JJ pulled out the shoes from the shoe closet a lot this week and tried on everyone's shoes for size. 
• Jakob started swimming lessons and is thrilled to be the strongest swimmer in his class. He is thrilled to be able to jump off the diving board on his own now. Even if the teacher did throw him off the first time. Believe it or not he doesn't relate the story with the reality that she threw him. He just says he was scared to death but forced himself to jump. I saw the whole thing and I just about blew my top! Luckily I kept my cool and he's worked through the anxiety. Even if he was sick to his stomach the next lesson. Uggg! 
• Caleb was in time out for some forgotten reason and he was furious at me. I heard him talking to himself, verbalizing how he was feeling and what he was thinking. Suddenly, I heard him say he didn't like me anymore and I heard him tearing down the car posters that he and I had worked together to tape up a while ago (I guess they represented a part of me within the room.) I wondered if he would tear down the poster of Christ holding a little lamb that was up with the cars as well. I went into his room a while later and found it fascinating that every car was down but Christ's picture is still up. Interesting...
• I took the boys to a friend's house for the afternoon. On the way home Jakob told me that he and his friend (a girl) had climbed the mountain up against the house. He said that as they were climbing his friend called out "be free, have fun!" and his reply was, "but- Safety First!" I called Leif immediately to discuss the uniqueness of our son... I think we should be grateful(?)
• Caleb has had quite the journey with the kittens. They have had to learn to just cry out when they're really scared or just deal with his "loving." However, he did almost (albeit accidentally) smash the kittens at one point. They were cuddled behind the rocking chair and he climbed up on the chair and it fell down on top of them. They were screaming and I was hysterical. I thought for sure he had finally ended one of them, and yes, I did tell him so. After making sure that surprisingly they were all okay I locked him in his room and promptly built a gate to lock the kittens behind for their own safety. Gratefully, the experience shook Caleb up and registered in his mind enough that I have only had to put the kitties away a handful of times. And some of those were to keep them from JJ. Ahhh, the joys!!
• This evening I let the boys stay outside later then usual to jump on the trampoline in the cool evening. Suddenly I heard Jakob screaming at the top of his lungs over and over. I thought for sure I would come out to see a dismembered finger or something. When I walked down the stairs Jakob was holding his hand and his skin was green. From experience he knew that he needed to lay down, or faint. Luckily he laid down. But whatever had happened really hurt! He was having a hard time catching his breath and he asked me if he could puke. I told him No and calmly told him to follow my breathing. In the meantime I was trying to asses the hand without drawing his attention to it. It took a few minutes for him to get the oxygen regulated and his body calmed down. Thank heavens there wasn't any blood or we'd be Toast! Apparently Caleb accidentally landed on Jakob's hand while they were jumping just hard enough to hyper-extend it. Lovely! It's sprained enough that he couldn't climb up into his loft tonight. He and Caleb had a sleep over in Caleb's room. Such an annoying yet fascinating pain issue...  
• My FIL bought me a book about behavior modification for children. Should I take that as a hint!?... Probably;) But I'll admit that I could use all of the help I can get with my boys. They are a handful. Cherished, but not easy. 

The Woman I Will Become

I feel grateful for many things today. I'll also let you in on a little secret. I feel proud of myself today too:) I've often thought that a sign of confidence and inner peace is someone who takes time to get out of their comfort zone to spend time with no one else but themselves... and they enjoy their time alone. I don't mean finding an afternoon to snuggle up on your bed to read a good book. I mean going to a movie or out to lunch. Alone. And feeling comfortable in your own skin with no one to talk to or be with.

I have never been this person before. I often define myself by who I am with and who wants to be with me. However, before Leif left for school I knew that this was the time to find the confidence and inner peace that I have admired in others for myself. Now is the time to rearrange things so that I am my own best friend and God is my number one source of peace and companionship. And so today I took a step in the right direction.

Thanks to a wonderful mother in law who encouraged me to pick up the phone and talk to people if I need help instead of relying on text messaging and Facebook, and to a good friend who called just at the right time today for me to miss her call and force me to act on this advise,  I was able to ask this good friend to watch my boys for a few hours so I could take myself out to lunch and then to the library.

Thank you dear FayLynn for your wise advise. And thank you dear Michelle for you invaluable willingness to help me with my wild little angels. This afternoon was wonderful! I treated myself to my favorite salad at Houston's and even indulged in a piece of chocolate cream pie. MMM! I took a book with me that I've been trying to read for days. I ended up reading enough to find out that I don't like it and was thrilled to know that I had the time alone to go find a better book. But the best part was that I caught a glimpse of someone today. She felt loved. But she didn't require the love she felt in order to feel peace and confidence in the world around her. She is the woman I will become one day.

Some Things Just Don't Make Sense. But Then Again...

Tonight I have been reminded of something so vitally important in our life here on earth. It is that no matter how hard we try, no matter what we think, God has a plan for us. It is His plan. Yes, if we ask it shall be opened. But it will still be in His way and in His time. There are some people that believe that if you believe hard enough with your mind and connect it just perfect with your heart that you can bring your will to pass. Some people would define that as faith. In my experience, however, sometimes faith means allowing the laws of God to take place. That means that sometimes science, nature, life, and death some time are just the required result. Now, I believe in miracles! I believe that He can over-rule the law. However, if that happens it is because it is part of His plan.

Does that mean that prayer is useless? Does that mean that hope is for naught and without fruit? No. It just means that in the end we must realize that there is One who sees the whole picture. From beginning to eternity. One who, though humanly incomprehensible, has no malice or negative intention toward us in any way, shape, or form. One who has a perfect love for us. So when we pray and plead with our Father to give us our hearts desire. Eventually we must resign ourselves to the fact that if we changed His mind by our endless pleadings, wouldn't that mean that we asked Him to change the perfect plan for our life? Maybe as hard and seemingly impossible as it may feel, we should pray not for a change of plan, but for the courage, peace, and patience required to accept the jigsaw-plan that we see here until we can see the full picture later.

Sometimes it feels impossible to find joy in the circumstances that we're in. Impossible to see the perfectness in "the plan." It just makes no sense. In fact, sometimes it feels as if God himself is out to get us. Sometimes we feel like something has to change or be fixed before we can find peace in the journey.  And these are the times when the human soul is tried to its core. Refined. Do we wait until we reach our destination and miss the whole point of our human existence? Or do we surrender our humanness and allow him to show us the beauty along the way? That my friend's is a question that only we can decide the answer to for ourselves.

THE STATION

By Robert J. Hastings

         TUCKED AWAY in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves
on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We're traveling by train and, from the 
windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at
crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row
upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and
village halls.

    But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination--for at a certain hour and on a
given day, our train will finally pull into the station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands
playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we
pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

    "Yes, when we reach the station, that will be it!" we promise ourselves. "When we're 
eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL 
Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!"

    From that day on we will all live happily ever after.

    Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no station in this life, no one earthly
place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The station is an illusion--it
constantly outdistances us. Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream. Yesterday belongs to a
history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday's a fading sunset, tomorrow's a faint sunrise. Only
today is there light enough to love and live.

    So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn't the burdens of today 
that drive men mad, but rather regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and
fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.

    "Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, "This is
the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."

     So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more
mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener.
Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we
go along. The station will come soon enough.

No Worries... I'm Fighting!

"Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness."


Elder Richard G. Scott 1996 General Conference

I Need to Hear From You!

Ok this is me being very open and up front. I am in one of those places right now when I just need to know someone is out there. So if you stop by here, let me know k? Thanks in advance.

Post Visit Blues and a Song Dedication (Never Alone, Lady Antebellum)

I need to write tonight. I really want a huge bowl of ice cream too. But it's late... and I'm too tired to get the ice cream out. But then again...

Leif came home for a visit this weekend. It had been two weeks since he was able to visit last. Honestly, I'm not sure what it was about this visit, but WOW! I've had a hard time turning off the tears. I started last night and again when I had to see him off and, uggg.... If you've ever felt the reality of a true aching heart, you know that it is no fun. I've felt much like I did the first day he left for school. However, there is one huge difference. At that point I really didn't know if I was going to make it alone. I had no idea how the kids were going to react. And, although I knew the Lord said He would make things work, I had No idea How he would do it. Now I have a few more answers and a stronger conviction of our Father's Love. I will make it through this. I am not alone. Kids are incredibly flexible and resilient as long as a few specific needs are met. And truly, I stand all amazed at the Love Jesus offers me.

There are two Really hard things about Leif being away at school. I am lonely. Busy, but lonely. And I am terrible at taking care of myself nutritionally. I need to force myself to go to sleep earlier. I find myself staying up for hours after I put the kids to bed just because that is the only time I am alone. But toward the end of last week and into this weekend my body has been screaming at me for better care. I am so grateful and thrilled to say that I've lost around 20  pounds since Valentines day. I know this has blessed me in so many ways. I've taken medicine to help me along the way. The medicine has been a blessing in more then just weight loss. I feel like in may ways I have come back to life. But the appetite suppressant forces me to be responsible and eat even when I don't feel like eating. I'm being responsible, but not great.

I'm babbling...

I just needed to talk tonight. I also need to get to bed. Tomorrow is another day and it will be a good one. Like my Jakob told me today, "no one can make you angry!" Wonder where he got that!? Smarty Pants! But he's right.  Peace is a choice. I will make the choice to wake up and find the joy in tomorrow, come what may.

Leif dedicated this song to me a little while back and I will try to remember it as I take on this upcoming week. He made a video with our own pictures. But I can't put it on here right now (it's on our Love Letters Along the Way blog.) So I found this one instead. Thank you My Love for finding these words that fit your love so well... I hope you readers enjoy them as much as I do.

As the Roller Coaster Rides

I said that I would be coming up with something fun to motivate me to post on my blog every day.Well, I changed my mind. Unless I titled it "As the Roller Coaster Rides." ... Hey, that just might work.:) No, really, as much as I want to try to remember all of the miracles, blessings, lessons, and struggles of my every day life as a not single, but often alone mother, I just don't have it in me some nights to find the words. Especially on the weekends.

I seem to be making a trend. I cruise along with a few bumps along the way throughout the week, and then I Crash over the weekend. Even on the weekends that Leif has been able to come home to visit. I honestly can't figure out why. But I have managed to pitch a fit against Leif three weekends in a row. It's insane! I long to be the wife and mother who at her funeral her family and friends will insist that they have never heard a murmur of complaint out of her mouth. - So not going to happen. But I do wish...

Some how Leif and I manage to fight against the blows from the adversary. But Man it is such a pain!

Well, I wasn't sure what was going to come out when I sat down to write tonight. Just the vissisitudes of life, I guess. Over all I stand all amazed at the blessings overflowing during this time in my life. But sometimes I let my guard down and my mind thinks a little more egocentric and it gets very carried away. I become very lonely. Luckily, the drops in the ride don't last very long and I find myself smiling more often then I scream. And that my friend's,  is As the Roller Coaster Rides.

An Amazing Journey to the Temple - 3 Boys and 46 Hours in a Mini Van

During the month of April (2012) so much was happening on a daily basis that I wasn't able to keep up with it all on the blog. Two things were ever-present questions throughout the month: Will we be going to Missouri for Jason and Jared's temple ordinances? and Will we be getting any financial aid for the summer. Both questions were intertwined with each other.  Early in the month I was one click away from purchasing a plane ticket for myself to fly to MO to be with my family. Just as Leif was about to click BUY we both felt VERY clearly that we shouldn't buy the ticket. Thank heavens for the prompting and thank heaven's we followed it!

Sunday April 29th we watched a movie in church about a family's journey through repentance and healing that ended with them going through the temple to be sealed together for eternity. Once again I was struck with how much I needed to be with my family and my brothers in the temple. I actually went after church and talked with my bishop for some advise. He agreed that it would be extremely important to be there. However, neither one of us knew how I would get their financially.

The next day I was on the phone with my sister when Leif checked his email and found that we had been notified that Leif had been offered financial aid for the summer. This made it possible for Leif and I to take our little family together and make the trip to the temple with my brothers. I was over joyed to say the least. Within one day we had made the decision to drive the family to MO and back again within six days time (instead of leaving me and the kids in MO for the Summer.) We would leave in 5 days! 

Let the journey begin!

MAY 1st:  We received Financial Aid. We spent much of the day in the ER with Jakob because he had a strange episode again. This time his reaction was due to a bumped leg. He turned green, vomited profusely and almost passed out. Blood work showed abnormal but not alarming red blood cells. Bizarre!

MAY 4th: I spent every spare minute sewing aprons for Caleb and JJ that replicate the aprons that my mom made for Jason and I when we were toddlers.

MAY 5th: Leif and I drove the kids to St. George so a good friend could watch them while we shopped together for the trip. We actually had the amazing opportunity to work together to help a man who was driving his motorcycle and was hit by a car. We came upon the scene within a minute after the accident. Leif worked as an EMT. I helped put a blanket under his head and held a blanket up to shade him from the sun. It was a bad accident. But a special experience for Leif and I to serve together like that. We also met up with my brother's friends and picked up Gooby (my brother's dog) so we could take him to my brother. Gooby ran away the day before my brother moved to Arkansas. But amazingly, he was found three weeks later just out on the streets. Amazing! So we told Nate we'd bring him home. We stopped in Apple Valley on our way home to take pictures of the AMAZING moon.


MAY 6th: Fredonia Arizona - Albuquerque New Mexico. We started our Journey around Noon. Not before Leif went on an EMT call though:) We left as soon as he got home. We drove to Flagstaff to get the keys to Leif's room at his "school house." We played at a near by park to stretch our legs. We drove in to NM somewhere after bedtime. Mama and Papa listened to the Audio book 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper and Cecil Murphey

MAY 7th: Albuquerque New Mexico - Oklahoma City Oklahoma. We drove through the winds of New Mexico and Texas to meet up with Nate in Oklahoma City to reunite him with Goobs. We excitedly met up with Grandpa and Grandma Hunt and my sister and her baby. We visited and watch the kids bounce off the walls and Sang Climbin' up the Mountain with Grandpa. Then we eagerly went to sleep!

MAY 8th: Oklahoma City Oklahoma - Carthage Missouri. Today was Jared's temple ceremony in the Oklahoma City LDS Temple. This was an amazing opportunity to be with family in the temple that I will never forget. After photos we went to dinner to visit more. We Drove to Bruce and Chris's house and put the kids to bed. We then ate Blue Bunny Peanut Butter Panic ice cream and talk late into the night. Priceless! We also found out the Annie Kitty had 6 kittens. :) Leif and I listened to the audio book The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason on the drive.


MAY 9th: Carthage Missouri - Kansas City Missouri. We played at Bruces for the morning and visited some more. We then Drove to Oronogo to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the first time. It is beautiful with a lovely yard. We Got to say hello to Aunt Trena. We  BBQ and Visited just like ol' times for the afternoon. We then Loaded up and everyone drove to Kansas City. We Check in to a dump hotel before Mom, Dad, and my sister arrive. We have a REALLY bad feeling about it, scramble and grumble as we all find a new place to stay. We decided to eat pizza and watch a movie in the van as we wait to find out where we're going. We drove further into Kansas City/Liberty after dark and we Loved the awesome lights and bridges! We got to the new hotel and recognized how very meant to be it was to change hotels! We decided that Leif would stay with the boys instead of go to the temple in the morning with me (just a feeling that it was best.) We then Fell in to bed!

MAY 10th: Kansas City Missouri - Limon Colorado. Leif drove Dad to the temple to meet up with Jason to be his escort. Leif returned and stayed with all of the kids at the hotel (Luckily! Because Uncle Nate ended up having to stay with Baby Justin at the temple for a while until his babysitter came.) Mom, Heather, and I  left to the temple feeling a little frazzled. We walked into the temple and it didn't take long for all of the stress to float away. The best was to see that Jared and Heidi had made it to the temple even though they weren't able to make it to the session. They had made it in time for them to do  other service and then met us all in the Celestial Room. That was a big hug for all of us to have them there.  Leif brought the kids to the temple after the session and we took more photos and ate a yummy picnic together. This was our final visit and our goodbye to everyone for now. We left feeling that Family is precious, indeed! We drove until we saw a Dairy Queen sign and stopped in a little town in Kansas for ice cream! From there we drove to a chilly Limon Colorado. It was late and we were disappointed because somewhere along our hotel stops we were supposed to have a Jacuzzi tub. We hadn't to this point so I assumed it would be this hotel since it was our last hotel. Unfortunately, it wasn't and I didn't know which hotel jipped us. But we recovered from our disappointment and went to sleep.

Written While Driving: 

Thursday May 10, 2012, Kansas

My sweet Caleb is a Priceless travel companion. His latest comment was “Watch out for Sheens Mama. They’re working really hard. Us watch out for asheens ok Papa. Otay Papa?”  Last night I asked the boys what their favorite part of the trip has been and Jakob said, “ I know this is funny, but for me it has been the driving.” I said, “it’s a good thing because 90% of this trip has been driving.” Caleb said his favorite part has been the sheens (machines.)

This trip really has been amazing. I know that I wouldn’t have a clue what I missed if I hadn’t come. But the thought now makes me shudder.  This afternoon I was able to stand in the Celestial Room in the Kansas City temple with my parents and three out of four of my siblings. We have one more brother we hope will join us on the path when he’s ready. But to have my brothers, Jason and Jared, in the temple with us was truly a celebration of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. They have lived against the commandments of God as well as sorely below their spiritual potential for many years.

My mother expressed it perfectly as she walked into the room and saw her family standing together waiting for her. She burst into tears and held her sons who have been lost for so long. Surely that must be what heaven is like. The love and pure joy was overwhelming. The relief that I felt was healing as well.  My heart has ached for many years because of the choices that my brothers have made. I felt relieved to know that we were together in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. 

The support from my mom’s side of the family was overwhelming as well. The reminder of their life-long support and love was refreshing and heartwarming. My family grew up living among our aunts and uncles and our cousins. We went to the same schools and family gatherings and celebrations were common. Somehow as the years have progressed many of the family members have gathered together again to live among each other. Only this time they live thousands of miles away from where we grew up in West Jordan, Utah and are in Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, and Arkansas. Today we were joined in the Kansas City MO temple by family members who traveled from Oronogo MO (Mom and Dad Hunt),  Maryland (Sister) , Arizona (me), Kansas City MO (Jason and Hannah) (Darin and Sheila), Oklahoma (Jared and Heidi), Arkansas (Nate), Iowa (Jim), Carthage MO (Bruce and Chris), Webb City MO (Karin and Mike), and Price Utah (Scott). On Tuesday we went to the Oklahoma City temple and along with several of the above mentioned people we were also joined by Heidi's parents and brother and Sister from Utah. And finally, we were most definitely accompanied throughout the week by our precious Grandma and Matriarch from Heaven Rhea Stanger.

When all is said and done and we drive into our driveway tomorrow we will have traveled approximately 2500 miles. We will have traveled from Fredonia AZ through Flagstaff AZ, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Utah and back to Fredonia.   We will have stayed in 4 different hotels, and one night at Uncle Bruce’s house.  We left on a Sunday and we will arrive home tomorrow (Friday.) We will have traveled in the car more than 46 hours total. AMAZING!! And yes, my kids have watched movies and slept almost all of those 46 hours.  Jakob has watched the whole series of the BBC version of Chronicles of Narnia and BBC’s series called Dinotopia. He also enjoyed Flubber. I think tomorrow he will watch the Jackie Chann version of Around the World in 80 Days. Caleb and JJ have enjoyed several episodes of Little Einsteins, Nick Jr, Bob the Builder, and Richard Scary, among others.  The first leg of the trip Flagstaff to Oklahoma City we had my brother’s dog (pug) Gooby with us on the trip. We were happy to help my brother get his dog back. Yes, we were really happy to give him to my brother.:)

We stocked up on LOTS of snacks from Costco for the trip. This has been a VERY good thing! We even bought the PB&J sandwiches that are sealed at the edge and pre-packaged. Those are particularly helpful for the older boys. We ended up buying PediaSure drinks for JJ. He’s a really picky eater and we knew he wasn’t getting enough quality nutrition. So hopefully that has helped him.  The other thing that has helped break up the monotony has been  surprise dollar toys that we hand out to the kids every once in a while.  Tonight we’ve had fun with the toys that glow and twirl brightly lit colors in the dark. Yesterday  was little battery operated pin ball games. We have had plenty of memorable experiences on this trip.

Fredonia to Flagstaff: Jakob and Caleb both turned green with car sickness. Both managed not to throw up. We stopped in to see Papa’s school house. The house is nice and his room will be fine. Small but not unexpectedly so. There was a fun park across the street from Leif’s house that we played at. The mountain scenery was nice.

 Albuquerque to Oklahoma City: We had high winds in Albuquerque that twisted up Goobys dog kennel that was strapped to the roof and blew its door away (sorry Nate;) We met up with G&G Hunt and Aunt Heather in Oklahoma City and gave uncle Nate his long lost dog. That was a great moment in itself. 

MAY 11th: Limon Colorado - Fredonia Arizona. We woke up to Very Cold wind in Colorado. The drive was really neat through Colorado until we got over the mountains and headed toward Utah. The Utah part of the trip through Green River was UGLY! The kids were asking Not to watch any more movies at this point. That was an interesting twist. Jakob did decide to listen to the Audio book of Lion Witch and the Wardrobe of the Chronicles of Narnia series. Leif and I listened to the majority of the audio book Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. We still haven't been able to finish it though and hope to soon, because it's a good one. We realized that my ancestors were buried in a tiny town called Joseph, Utah and it was on our route home. So we decided to take the little detour to the cemetery that I remember visiting as a little girl. We arrived at dusk and the boys were WILD! I could not get a picture with them holding still, literally.  But we all enjoyed looking at the headstones and their dates as I told Jakob who the people were and how they are related to us. I'm glad we stopped. We drove into our driveway somewhere after bedtime. And once again, we fell into bed... After we looked at the new kitties:) 















Written While Driving:
COLORADO May 11, 2012

We’re driving through the Rocky Mountains at the moment. This is the first time Leif and I have seen these particular mountains and this particular drive. They are beautiful! Although, it’s really cold and it has been snowing for the last hour of the drive. Now it’s raining. It’s May. Leif and I like the idea of warm weather by May. So Colorado probably isn’t for us. But it is Beautiful!! It was neat to drive past the gold and coal mines. The houses were tall, small, and colorful. They look just like a photograph of a mining town. There were updated mines as well as old mines that had crumbled and toppled down the mountain side. It was neat. Now I have to run out in the cold in my shorts and summer shirt, and flip flops out in the COLD to go potty. Lovely! Poor Jakob has lost his cheerful side today and I REALLY hope he is able to find him again!!

So let’s get back to the memorable moments of this trip.

Oklahoma City: We stayed in a beautiful hotel. Jakob thought we should just make it our new home. He noted that it didn’t have a stove. I noted the same thing but concluded that it didn’t really matter as I use the microwave a lot more then the oven. Anyway, Oklahoma was a pretty place to drive through. Caleb especially liked seeing the oil and drilling rigs. Although, Kansas seemed the place to put oil rigs in. Kansas also had a lot of fields of windmills. That was fun to see throughout the whole area that we drove through Missouri through Kansas.

I was thrilled to see Jason and Hannah for the first time in a long time at this point. I was even more excited to see their sweet little baby Justin for the first time ever. This is where I met my sisters little boy for the first time ever as well. They are both adorable content babies. So fun to meet them!

(note from Leif)  Rocky Mountain Restrooms- Completely made of rock, not clean water, hand sanitizer,

The Oklahoma City Temple is where we met up with Jared and Heidi. Leif and I were both able to go to this session together (Leif stayed with the boys in Kansas City.) So I felt calm and complete as I went into the temple. Then to have so many other family members in the temple was wonderful. Then Jared came in. WOW! I almost didn’t recognize him. He had a light about him that I’m not sure I’ve ever clearly seen in him. Like I’ve already said, being in the temple surrounded by so many family members and the love we share for each other was as close to heaven as we can get here on earth. I am so glad I was able to come.

After we came out of the temple we brought the kids from the hotel back to the temple for pictures. From there we went out to lunch and then most of us started on our way to Carthage MO to stay at Uncle Bruce’s house. The funny story of that trip was when we stopped at a rest stop to take Caleb to the bathroom. It was a huge rest stop/tornado shelter. But the funniest thing was the toilet kept flushing while Caleb was sitting on it and then it kept flushing over and over when I was sitting on it. Caleb and I were laughing so hard! It was one of those sweet funnies in our day.

We made it to Bruce’s house around bed time. So we let the kids play for a bit and then put them all to bed. That night several of us stayed up really late just talking together. It was just like old times. Me, Leif, Nate, Heather, Jason, Hannah, Scott, Bruce, and Chris.

MAY 12th: Home. We woke up feeling as if the trip was a dream. A very good one. But we had no time to ponder much more because it was time for Leif to finalize his preparations for his departure to Flagstaff. I honestly kind of kept myself detached from his preparations and tried to keep myself together as he gathered and packed. We had a special evening as a family that I will cherish. 


MAY 13th (Mother's Day): Leif made all of us his special Oatmeal for breakfast. He also surprised me with two neat books as a Mother's Day gift. As the morning progressed I became more and more emotionally undone. I realized that it was a bad idea to keep Jakob and Caleb home from church. Leif was leaving during the church hours. I couldn't handle their normal wildness and say goodbye to Leif at the same time. I couldn't even talk without tears. So we asked Grandma and Grandpa to take the boys to church. This was a very good thing. When it was time for Leif to go we finally let the tears flow and he held me in his arms. Feeling that our house key represented a symbol of our family bond I asked Leif if he had his house key so he would always be able to come home any time. He pulled out his key chain and showed me two keys. He then said "I have a 'house' key, and a 'Home' key. Home will always be wherever you are." I cried, not knowing what the future would hold and how I was going to hold up to it. But I knew one thing, he Loves me!


Leif drove away and I went to his EMT and Fire scanners and turned them off. No need for reminders of his absence. I fell into bed trying not to look at the other half of the bed that was empty. Gratefully, I was able to sleep for two hours. Through divine providence I was able to greet my boys with a smile and strength when they arrived home from church. However, I still couldn't talk much to anyone else without having to hold back a sob. The tears flowed freely that night as I Skyped with Leif while wearing his EMT tee-shirt that he had left behind for me to put in his "Save" box. Instead, I wear it to bed. 


Written MAY 14th:
HOME May 14, 2012

Driving from Colorado to Fredonia felt like the longest part of the trip. I guess that’s because it was. We drove for almost 12 hours that day. We drove from Limon over the Rocky Mountains through Colorado into Green River Utah (which reminds me of the moon like scenery just outside of Flagstaff.) It’s amazing how many beautiful places we drove through as well as some really ugly places. The Rocky Mountains were beautiful, of course.  After we got out of the snow we came down to the Colorado River. There was a beautiful rest area along the river.  It had a nice sandy beach area where people load and unload their rafts. We walked along the bridge and along the beach. The sand was so neat. It sparkled just like it had gold in it. I wonder what it was that made it sparkle.

Looking back on the trip I can’t believe how much we packed in to such a short amount of time. We were blessed with so much. My health was great. The boys were fantastic. The van was reliable and so helpful (space, media, etc.) The weather was great. The time together as a little family as well as extended family was much needed and so fun.  I am so grateful for the chance we had to make the trip. So grateful!

Well, My Love left for school yesterday.  Yesterday was hard. Leif and I were quiet most of the time he was packing up. I was quiet just because I knew if I opened my mouth I wouldn’t last long before the tears flowed. The night before we all went out to dinner with Leif’s parents and brother’s family. That night we had scripture study together and Leif talked about how Heavenly Father will help our weaknesses become strengths. The boys were calm. This alone was a blessing. Leif was able to give all of the boys and myself a priesthood blessing before we went to sleep.  Jakob and I cried through our blessings. The spirit was strong. We will be taken care of. We will have angels from heaven surrounding us as we go through this journey. Leif felt especially strong that my health would improve and I would be given the strength that I will need. 

I have found that every day is a new day. The hardest moments are when I am out and about with the kids doing things that we would usually always do as a family, mostly ball games. I am VERY glad ball season is over. VERY! 


Life is good. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity that we were given to make this trip together. It was just what we needed before this new journey that we're on. Caleb called me in to his room tonight to tell me that he was thinking about the time that "we went to friends house a lot a lot far far (who live far away) and went to a river." With fondness, he was remembering our day at Uncle Bruce and Aunt Chris's house and their four wheeling trip down to the river. Thanks for the memories everyone! Thank you Dear Father, for Everything!