Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Parenting Styles

GRADE: 25/25 (Excellent work! I really like your examples and scenarios!)
Lena Baron
Assignment 7

The Parenting Styles:
Where and why they are on the Couple and Family Map

Democratic: Families with Democratic Parenting Styles usually find themselves within the connected to cohesive and structured to flexible points on the Couple and Family Map, bringing them right into the balanced center of the Map. Democratic Parenting families have found the balance between the roles of the parents and the children. The parents have set clear guidelines and boundaries, including the consequences for failing to stay within these boundaries. The children are secure in their role, as a child with a say in the family yet understands that the parents are the enforcing role within the family. In a Democratic Parenting family, neither parent nor child is overly dominating which is why they fit into the balanced center of the Couple and Family Map.

Authoritarian: Families with Authoritarian Parenting styles usually find themselves in the structured to rigid and cohesive to enmeshed lower right corner of the Couples and Family Map. This puts the family leaning toward or right into the unbalanced sector of the Map. Parents who use an Authoritarian Parenting style have taken the role of the child’s point of view out of the family game plan. The parents have set the rules and consequences regardless of the child’s influence. Within the family, the child is one to be directed and expected to obey without question. This rigidity leads to a serious imbalance within the family as well as in the personal life of the children involved.

Permissive: Families with Permissive Parenting Styles have managed to bring the voice of the child back into the family dynamic. Unfortunately, they have failed to bring in the parents role of enforcer back into the family. This leads the family towards the unbalanced edge of the Couple and Family Map, usually finding themselves somewhere in the flexible to chaotic and the cohesive to enmeshed points on the Map.

Rejecting: Families with Rejecting Parenting Styles fall into a severely unbalanced point on the Couples and Family Map. These families find themselves in structured to rigid and connected to disengage families. A family where the child is given many rules to follow yet is never acknowledged for their compliance to these rules and if they are acknowledged it is usually for their lack of compliance. This creates a spiraling imbalance within the family and the children’s development.

Uninvolved: Families with Uninvolved Parenting Styles pattern closely to that of the Rejecting Parenting style with the difference being that there is almost no guidance from the parents to the children (rigid or structure.) The child is basically left on their own without notice unless they directly interfere with the parent’s life. This lack of communication, guidance, enforcement, and connection, brings this family to perhaps the most imbalanced place on the Couple and Family Map.

The Parenting Styles:
Interactions within these families

Democratic: Interactions between a Democratic parent and their child would include the following. When faced with an issue or the need for a discussion this family would make a conscious effort to listen to each other respectfully and validate one another either in words or by action. This family has an understanding that the child is allowed to share their thoughts, feelings, and choices without fear of degradation. A Democratic family allows the children to choose their actions with an understanding of the consequences. A scenario might go something like this:

Everyone has been called to the dinner table to eat. Everyone in the family is getting situated in their chairs as mom brings the meal to the table. The two year old however is climbing on top of the table rather then into his chair. Dad comes in and sees the child’s obvious misbehavior. He calmly comes to the table and says, “Billy, you can choose to sit in your seat and join us for dinner, or you can choose to sit on your bed for two minutes and eat your dinner last. What is your choice?” Because this is an established pattern in the family, the toddler will most likely choose to climb in his seat even as his father is reminding him of his choice. Otherwise, the father will calmly carry the child to his bed.

Authoritarian: Interactions between an Authoritarian parent and their child is much more closed-minded and tight-lipped compared to a Democratic parenting style. Authoritarian parents believe that their children are meant to follow their direction regardless of how the child feels or what the child wants. There is little room for choice. Their scenario might go something like this:

The family has been called to dinner and everyone is situating themselves into their chair as mom brings dinner to the table. Dad walks in and sees the two year old climbing on the table instead of getting in his chair. Dad yells, “Billy! Get off the table Now!” Billy continues to play. Without warning dad walks over to Billy, grabs him off the table, and puts him in his room. He adds, don’t come out until I come and get you! He slams the door as Billy starts to scream.

Permissive: Interactions between a Permissive parent and child leave both the parent and the child without guidelines or expected consequences. Their scenario might go something like this:

The family has been called to dinner and everyone is situating themselves into their chair as mom brings dinner to the table. Dad walks in and takes his seat as he watches the two year old climbing on the table instead of into his chair. Mom asks the child to climb into his chair as she peaks back into the room to check what else she needs to bring in. Billy says, “NO! I want to sit here, jabbing his finger to the table. Dad responds, “Okay, let’s just make sure all of our glasses are out of the way so they don’t get spilled.”

Rejecting: Interactions between a Rejecting Parent and their child is filled with disrespect, shunning, and irritation. The parent might feel regret for even having to deal with the child at the moment and the child might just wish they were invisible. Their scenario could go something like this:

Mother calls to the family “Dinner’s ready, come and get it!” Everyone scrambles into the kitchen to get their fair share. Billy, the two year old is trying to balance his bowl filled with Mac n’ Cheese amidst the shuffle and accidently drops it all over the floor. Mom recognizes the sound of the clattering bowl and storms into the kitchen. She sees Billy bent over his bowl quickly trying to clean up the mess. Angrily she grabs Billy up and shoves him out of the kitchen as she yells, “I am so sick of having to clean up after all of you pigs! Get out of my kitchen!”

Uninvolved: A family with an uninvolved parenting style leaves everyone to fend for themselves. Their scenario might go something like this:

Mom is crashed on the couch with the television still on from last night. It’s almost noon and two-year-old Billy has been following twelve-year-old Jenny around the house screaming for 15 minutes as she talks on the phone. She finally ends her call and grudgingly swings Billy up onto her hip to go get him a corndog. She glares at her snoring mom as she enters the kitchen. 

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