Tuesday, April 02, 2013

The Remembrance - The Knowledge - The Heartache Soothed - In Time

Leif and I shared a moment in time this weekend that was unexpected and very precious. Wednesday morning I learned through the gift of modern networking that one of my dear friend's that I grew up with as a little girl and have remained friends with through the years suddenly and very tragically lost her baby boy.

Upon reading the news I was immediately overcome with emotion and shock. There was only one thing I new for sure. I had to go to her! I knew a tiny part of her broken heart. The shock and utter disbelief. I had to hold her, for there are very few words that can be shared in such a loss. And the very few needed to be shared face to face with the spirit as our companion.

I ran to my dear husband who was working out in the trailer on his last bit of homework before the weekend and I breathlessly told him what had happened. He took me in his arms while I shook and murmured quietly the only word that would come, No... No... No... And then I was able to get the feeling that was calling to be out. "Leif, I need to go to her." And without a thought of complaint he took me to her.

Heidi lives almost two hours north of us. Really not a huge trip. But one that would require babysitters and some planning... We were on the road within an hour. My Precious friends scooped up my kids with knowing arms and hearts and cared for them without a thought otherwise. Even when there was confusion and Jakob didn't catch the bus, they knew where he needed to be and where I was and they took care. Bless them!

Soon we were driving over the beautiful Cedar Mountain pondering our existence here on this earth and it's fleeting nature. This journey played a double meaning for us. This trip over the mountain marked the first time we had driven along the path our friend Lucy drove on the day her life was ended on that very road a few months ago. Our hearts were somber. The coming Easter holiday within a few days and its meaning was not lost on us.

When Leif and I arrived at Heidi and Jason's home I knew we had done the right thing in coming. She needed me. I needed to be with her. And Leif was able to share a few thoughts and support for Jason and Heidi and work his magic to lighten the fog of sadness for their three little girls. He has a gift that I envy at times. And then I look at the whole picture and see that we make a wonderful team.

So much was shared over the next several hours. To me I felt a sense of coming home that I haven't felt for decades. Heidi's parents grew up with my parents. In a lot of ways I consider them part of my family. Heidi's mother Patricia played a vital role in my life for as long as I can remember. She is cherished in my heart. Heidi has three sisters that I love as well. How sweet it was to be with them during such a time as this in their life. I was overwhelmed with the reality once again that we are not sent here to earth without a plan and a purpose. Nothing is happenstance! We each play a role in the lives of those we are around that can come back around to us for good or ill. I know this is true.

Leif and I stayed for the day and ended up spending the night as well. It was a precious time of remembrance for us. There was a re-connection made within us and our life's journey together. A remembrance  A Knowledge. A Heartache soothed.

A remembrance of the loss and the sadness that followed, all shared together. The remembrance of being carried by God and his angels through the darkest and heaviest steps of our life. The knowledge that Father does know His children and our Savior's Atonement makes happiness possible again. A heartache within our soul that never quite goes away but knowing that in time the soothing does come. The all-consuming ache and sadness does calm. In time, the laughter does return to the soul. In time.

The tears did come for Leif and I. The tears flowed down our cheeks while we sat together at the viewing. The sobs of my precious friend echoed in my heart and brought forth memories and emotions that have been long closed. The sadness I feel for her loss is so great. I do not wish this kind of loss upon anyone. But if there is any good that can come from such a loss it is the Remembrance, the Knowledge, and the Heartache Soothed that comes, in time.  In time, there have come chances to share the journey with other broken hearts and in those moments there is a glimmer of understanding of why we had to feel such pain.

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