Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Dear Grandpa, I Love You!

My Grandpa passed away early this morning (3/2/2011.)

It's funny how you can wake up and be so wrapped up in the moments of the day, and then Wham life changes forever, all in one moment in time. We knew my grandpa was sick. He has been steadily declining since Thanksgiving. So this isn't unexpected. But the death of a loved one is always a time of reflection and emotion.

My grandfather Loved me. I know that, and I have always known that. For as long as I can remember I have never questioned that. There was turmoil within my dad's family for much of my growing up years. A lot of heartache and pain. But I was never involved in the contention personally. When I visited grandpa Hunt and grandma Pat, honestly, I felt like I just may have been one of their favorites.

So what happened? Why on earth did I allow our relationship to dwindle to almost nothing? How does this happen? And why didn't I take the steps to bridge the distance while I had the chance? Honestly, I do not know.
It wasn't as if I didn't love him...  Maybe it was just simply that over time there became too much baggage to sift through from his past. Thus causing a pause in the building of the relationship. By the time that was worked through within the family and repentance and healing took place, I was on my mission, traveling the country, getting married, having babies, losing babies, moving further from the nucleus of home and family, only to create a new nucleus and family. By the time I recognized how far away the relationship had drifted, time was very limited and opportunities for building memories and relationships was even more limited. By then I had my own issues. Phone phobia, chronic illness, and three little ones who always seemed to become just one more excuse of why I couldn't go see grandpa and grandma.

And then it is all over. In one blink of an eye, the opportunity is no longer available. The choice is made. Only to be left with one question... Did he know that I love him? Did he know that I am proud of him for the changes that he made in his life. Did he know that I forgive him for the choices that caused heartache and division within his family? Did I ever tell him? No. The choice was mine... And I lost the chance. I pray that I will never make this same mistake again. Forgive me grandpa, and forgive me dad for my selfishness.

My grandpa was a good man. My dad tells story after story of his growing up years when grandpa, my dad, and his brother worked together to build the local church building, remodel  apartments, harvest the garden, and butcher rabbits. Grandpa taught my dad to serve others and work hard. As for me, I will never forget the Christmas visits to grandpa and grandma's house to see their award winning Christmas lights. The trailer park finally made grandma and grandpa judges for the light contest, just to allow others a chance at winning the contest. They went to so much work to spread the joy of the season to all who participated. Other cherished memories stem from wonderful family reunions filled with music, dancing, night-time blazing fires mingled with laughter and the smell of bacon and coffee in the morning. And then as a mommy I took my little boys to visit grandpa and grandma and I was tickled to watch them visit with Jakob and baby Caleb. I've been told that my love for writing is in my blood. Grandpa was a writer. During this particular visit grandpa pulled out some of the poems that he had written and read them out loud to us. This was the first time that I had ever heard his beautiful talent. Someday I hope to read his words in a book. However large or small it is, it will be priceless.

Time on this earth is priceless and ever-ticking down until one day, it's gone. I will have another chance to tell my grandpa that I love him. This is part of Father's merciful plan. I won't let it pass me by again. Until then, I will try to remember to love, and share love, like there is no tomorrow.


Heidi Hamilton said...

Oh, I'm so sorry Lena! Those were beautiful memories. Please let me know how I can help. It makes me think about my own Grandpa. I need to make more of an effort with him while he's here.
I'm sure there's travel involved for the funeral, right - so please don't worry for a second about helping on Saturday. We'll get plenty of help.
Love ya!

Harmony said...

So sorry to hear that. Its so hard we we learn those lessons as we look back. Remember your post simply beautiful. Simply Beautiful is knowing we could have done more but loving ourselves for the good things. Sometime ask me about when I lost my grandpa. Your story reminded me of it. Also I have an idea about walking... I will call you soon.

Lena Baron said...

Thanks Harmony! My thought when you mentioned walking idea was to talk on the phone and walk. Is that your idea? I'm thinkin' it might just work!;) Sure wish you were HERE though!;)

Steph said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, losing someone is never easy but our prayers are with you!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts