Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Anxiety Reality and the Plan to Triumph!

So, a few people around me, and those whom I usually talk with on the phone almost daily have noticed a change in my normal routines and attitudes. Let me share a few of the reasons for the change. Here are a few excerpts from my personal blog:

"When I gave birth to my twins and then lost them, it was no surprise that I was in a state of deep introspection, mild depression, anxiety, grieving, physical, emotional, mental, and all encompassing pain. All weirdness including good, bad, and very ugly days and moments were completely acceptable, explainable, and even expected. I was grieving. And gradually I gathered the scattered pieces, fit them back together again, and called it functioning.

So what do I call it now?" 

I went on to list my symptoms and how they all had come back into my life to haunt me. I will spare you the details. However, in order to make any sense at all I will list the reasons plain and simple for you:
  • I am overweight for my body frame.
  • I am addicted to sweets.
  • I lack exercise in my life for many reasons.
  • HCG Diet didn't work, Gluten Free change didn't continue to help, switching to non-hormonal birth control didn't help.
  • Stopped taking Anti-Depressants. (Yes, I know I've said I wouldn't do it again. Well, I did! Sorry!)
So, all good, bad and ugly reality of my world is in living color at the moment. It is no question that my illness is partially heredity. However, I have wounds and issues that I need to take care of. They have festered long enough and I choose to heal them NOW! 
I'll let you in on my world on a Bad Day, or a Bad Moment. This is what happens to me when I band-aid my problems and forget they exisit:

- Personal Blog- "Let's talk about daily life in my shoes at the moment:

One Word: Yo-Yo! Uuuuuup -Doooowwwn. Uuuuuup -Dooooown. Wanna Ride, really - it's fun?! Uh, not really though!

Today the struggles I faced was Social Anxiety, General Anxiety. A feeling of not being comfortable within my own skin. Irritability and critical judgement: "if only that girl would STOP clicking her pen! I'm going insane!!" I am going to KILL those dogs if they don't stop barking!"  I can't believe he just sat down to that game, dinner's done and the table is a disaster -glare, huf-puf." "There is No Way we'll buy THAT for him. It's not Good for him... Oh, it's for his migraine, sorry!!!" "I'm So sick of ME! Please let me hide somewhere before I cause any more damage!" I can't stand the thought of weaning JJ to a bottle full time. It's makes me really sad, and it's more work. - Ugg, I really hate my jug size, maybe weaning is a good thing after all. Oh shoot I need to warm the bottle. JUNK!" "Jakob's talking a lot about my Gluten Free Diet I hope I'm not creating anxiety within him. Jakob's been complaining of sudden stomach aches. I can't decide if it's food or anxiety related. I am afraid that it might be anxiety..What if I pass on my issues through genetics or example? Good Heavens!" "Caleb's diaper rash is terrible! What foods cause this and how can I possibly find out and keep him away from them?" "JJ's still rubbing his ear, could it be infected!?" "How in the world can Leif enjoy my company, I'm such a mess!" "

I am revealing these realities in hopes that it helps my loved ones understand my weirdness a little better. Don't be repelled, just know that I'm working on getting better. Most of the time, I'm mostly cheerful and my normal self. 

In hopes that this post might help someone else struggling with Anxiety I will share some of the things that I am   doing or plan to do to help me feel the best that I can.

Mental and Spiritual
  • Believe it or not, Home School has helped. It's not always easy. But there is a peace that has come. Peace is good.
  • Kinesiology (Muscle Testing, Touch for Health). Leif is polishing up on his Massage Therapy skills so he can help me.
  • I am reading and will follow Karol Truman's book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die
  • I am re-reading and applying several of the helpful tips and tools given in Patricia Pott's book My Journey from Darkness to Light
  • I will be taking Clarocet ERT. This is a natural supplement to help with Anxiety and Mild Depression. This company has several supplement options available including supplements for children. 
  • I will also be using Bach Flower Remedies Rescue Remedy Natural Stress Relief. This product has over 100 4-5 star reviews. I look forward to having it's help!
  • I will be walking regularly throughout the week. 
  • I will express gratitude openly and more often.
  • I will be walking regularly throughout the week. 
  • Enzyme Supplements. So far the GlutenEase and Digest Gold have made a noticeable difference in my daily life. So I will continue those and add Lypo Gold in hopes for more improvement. -Take the Enzyme Deficiency Test to find out which enzymes you might need. Enzyme Deficiency is a common condition that isn't often taken care of well enough. I love this test because they give you a lot of good information about the enzymes and why and how they can help. 
  • Professional Botanicals: InDigest
  • MutiVitamin


Patricia Potts said...

I love this post Lena. I would like your permission to include it in my professional Newsletter in April. It is honest, direct and helpful! If you could email me the post in pdf or Microsoft format it would be great!!

Lena Baron said...

I'm so sorry, Lena!
Thank our Lord that Leif is so good to you and pray that you will do your best to show your love to him -- especially by taking care of his beautiful children!
We need to talk some more in private about our anxieties, etc. Love, Dad

I read your post and we want you to know how much we love you, and we know that you're going to be OK.
You have a good head on your shoulders, and as long as you're taking all of this with your Paxil you'll be fine.
You're a brilliant writer, and your blog will help a lot of people.
Take two M&Ms and you'll feel better in the morning!
Love, Mom

Heidi Hamilton said...

I'm sorry Lena :(
Sometimes... I wonder how we could have ever accepted these trials in the pre-mortal life.
But - here we are. And you are amazing - despite all you go through. I think it's so great how you are so open about your struggles in this life adventure.
I also think it's great that you RECOGNIZE what's going on - and SEEK SOLUTIONS. So many times, I trudge along & don't realize how bad it's gotten - and sometimes even when I do - I just try & tough it out instead of finding every possible solution.
I'll pray that one or more of these things will be a good answer for you. Again - wish we lived even closer so I could participate in those walks :)

Sharane said...

I so admire all that you are! You have so many people who care about you & love you. We all have our personal trials. Sometimes they are more visible than we want them to be. I really like how upfront you are about the things you go through. I really enjoy reading your blog. I hope that the things you have listed will be what you need. I am so glad the weather is warming up & that we can be outside more. The sunshine & fresh air always makes me feel so good! Lots of love to you & your family.

Lena Baron said...

Thank you everyone! I feel your love and it is good! Thank you!

Janee said...

I completely understand where you are coming from. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time. It runs in my family as well.

It came to the point where I really had to look at my life honestly and raw and look at what was causing it. I didn't want to and it was terrifying. But once I identified the root cause and let it go, I was much much happier.

I know that I can never get around the biological causes of my anxiety and depression and I have had to accept that I will be on some kind of anti-anxiety/depressant probably for the rest of my life. But I do know that I can control external factors and it's helped tremendously. I've decreased my medication dosage by half over the past 2 years and I'm in the best shape I've been in my whole life.

Striving for perfection can be a good goal for some, but it nearly drove me insane.

Love you. You're not in this alone :)

Lena Baron said...

Thanks J!

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