Time to Gather a Few Thoughts: Preparing - Chronic Epstein Barr Virus - Bully - Growing Up

WRITTEN Tuesday March 20, 2012
So much is happening in our life. Every day a list of things come and go, and some things stay the same. Today Leif walked in from work and he had "the look" in his eyes. Kind of an eyes glazed over- brain overfloweth - kind of look.  There is just so much to do in the moment and for the future... Maybe that's what has kept me away from the blog ever since we found out for sure Leif will be leaving for Flagstaff. There is so much that even I can't find the words to make it make sense. And blogging usually helps me with that sort of thing. So let's see how I can get as much information in this post in as little time as possible. I guess I'll just have to go by name. Not creative, but hey it works.

LEIF: 
Leif is wrapping up the sale of his business (Desert Spring's Day Spa) to one of the therapists who work with him. We're very grateful for the ease of this transition and the huge blessing that it will be for us. There's a lot to do to make things official as well as keeping the every day business going. He will officially turn over ownership on April 1st and work as an independent contractor through April. Leif is still working with the EMT's and trying to support the Fire Department in between it all. Not to mention all that he does to help me. I have a huge list of "Honey-Do's" for him to check off before his departure in May. Along with all of this Leif's trying to find housing for the year in Flagstaff and working on all of the paperwork and medical checkups and immunizations required before he starts the nursing program. And don't forget taxes... Seriously, I don't know how he does it!?

LENA
Me? Well... Let's see... I have been down with a terrible flare up for just over a week. I was finally able to run a couple of errands and get half of my house cleaned up today. So that shows me that I'm getting better. It was very hard for me not only physically to be down this time, but harder emotionally, because I have Leif's departure staring me in the face. I admit that I did break down this week. In fact, I have cried more in the last few weeks then in the last several years combined. But let's not get too deep into those details. I will just say that I came face to face with my fears as well as my faith and I will choose faith. I have absolutely no idea exactly how I am going to face the day to day grind when Leif is gone. But I know I WILL get through it. I know... I just don't know how. And for someone who is a planner and an analyzer, that much unknown is extremely difficult. I am grateful for the sure knowledge that I have that after all that I can do, He will make up the rest. Thank you Dear Father!

On the health front this flare up was a tough one. But luckily it hasn't lasted very long. The symptoms are very similar to a bad case of Strep Throat. I get this certain flare up a few times a year, more or less. But every time I get a Strep test it's negative. So I don't go every time anymore. A while back they started testing me for Mono. That was negative as well. But the Epstein Barr Virus is always flagged high. Some doctors don't look at that as a factor because everyone has that virus' antibodies as an adult. But this flare up I went to a different doctor and he told me he thinks I have a chronic case of Epstein Barr Virus. That just means that I get the symptoms of Mono as random flare ups. But without the contagious factor or the length of time that Mono lasts. It was nice to get a diagnosis even if it's not very good or anything that I can fix. I went to my regular doctor and he had a 3rd year med student working with him that day and she told me that the University of Utah has a special study or department for the Epstein Barr Virus. So my doctor is working on getting me a referral to see them. It will be an answer to many prayers if everything works out and I can get in to see a few specialist that can give me some answers.  Even if they say I'm a Hypochondriac I will just be happy that I finally had a few experts review my health history and give me their thoughts.

JAKOB
Jakob's doing well. He really enjoys school. Of course his favorite subject is recess:) As far as I can tell he is up to the average reading level for his grade and he is doing well in math. Jakob did have a boy who was bullying him during recess for a couple of months. We tried to help him from a distance in hopes that the boy would get the hint and leave Jakob alone. But when the boy started making threats and using more mean behavior  instead of annoying chasing we stepped in. We talked to the school administration and they handled it quickly and completely. The week that it all went down was a really hard week for me as a previous home school mom. It is hard to send my children out into the unknown. Bullying and death threats were on the top of the list of reasons we home schooled. But Jakob was almost oblivious to the malice...

(Leif taking over a couple days later)

Lena's tired.  That darn flare up is really getting her down at times.

Hmmmmm,   more children....O'yes....Caleb and JJ

Caleb
Caleb is going through a not very fun stage.  It's only has lasted a several months so far.  I think it is the belated terrible twos that we all hear about.  With Jakob it wasn't until he was three, now I think is has caught Caleb.  Nothing to extreme, just a mixture of pure mischievousness and being absolutely cute.  Disobedience, fits and tantrums followed by the sweetest " Wuv you papa..."

JJ
This one has the same mixture but is more heavily weighted to the cute side.  He is almost always the cutest most adorable child you can think of, with only an occasional teasing streak.

Well that's about it....I guess I let Lena proof read it and post it.  Talk to you all later!!

Moving Forward Behind the Scenes

I haven't written much lately about life behind the scenes. You've probably gathered that Leif and I kinda like each other from the last two posts;)  But other then that, I'll take a minute and ramble about life and it's vicissitudes.

LEIF
We're anxiously awaiting a letter from NAU letting us know our future (Nursing program this year or not.) We should know by mid March at the latest and next week at the earliest. Until then we're sitting on our tax return until we know whether it will go to a mini van or tuition.  Ahhh, the joys!

The Day Spa has been slow during the winter which is a major bummer! It makes us even more grateful that Leif is an EMT and is able to earn some money by helping those in need.

LENA
I've struggled for the last while with more fatigue then I've had in a long time. That's another reason I haven't written. I've basically kept things afloat and read. I finally went in to the doctor and overwhelmed him once again with all of my health frustrations. Along with taking a bunch of blood tests (as usual)  he gave me a medicine to help my energy level and food cravings. If you know me at all you know that I've tried the lifestyle of "All Natural" with no medications and I've tried medications when needed. Well, I'm convinced once again that some medications were invented just for me, and I am eternally grateful for them!  Last week I switched from Paxil to Lexapro and I think I like the difference. I take Ambien to help me sleep during the week that "aunt flow" visits (dang insomnia!) and now I take Phentermine once or twice a day depending on the need. Phentermine has brought me back to life and I only had a tiny square of a surprise Amberlyn chocolate bar tonight from Leif and I was content to leave the rest for another time (a MIRACLE!)  I pray that it continues to help me as time goes on!!

I know that most of you don't care at all what meds I take. But I never know who's reading my blog and if what's going on in my life just might be the answer to someone's prayers. So bear with me.

JAKOB
Jakob is doing really well at school! I'm so glad. He's progressed leaps and bounds with his reading and I am sooo pleased! There have been so many good reasons for putting him into school. I'm really glad we did. He has a few issues going on during recess with a few kids. But hopefully we can all work it out, or even better, he will work it out. I'm trying really hard to stand back and let him grow and take care of himself without interfering or ignoring too much. It's a delicate balance.

Jakob asked to bear his testimony during Fast and Testimony meeting this past week. He didn't want to say anything. He just wanted to read his favorite scripture. It was a Priceless moment. His favorite scripture fits him so well it's one of those "meant to be" things. The scripture is 1 Nephi 17:15 "Wherefore, I, Nephi did strive to keep the commandments of the Lord, and I did exhort my brethren to faithfulness and diligence."  Simple, but so like my Jakob.

CALEB
Oh my sweet precious Caleb! If you know Caleb at all right now you know that he loves to give hugs and he wears his emotions on his sleeve (just like his Mama.) It is a common thing to hear Caleb tell you that he loves you. It is also common to hear him say that he doesn't like JJ or his kitty. He will tell you if he's afraid. And you will know if he is Mad! We are working on helping him with his temper. He can clear a table with his arm before you know what's happening. Then he will run somewhere to be alone. We're trying to help him skip the destruction/aggression part and move right to the moment alone part. So fun... Not!

Caleb's doing really well with potty training. I am so so grateful that it has never been a fight, so grateful! Caleb has also progressed drastically with his speech! We are thrilled. It was determined that he does need speech therapy but he was only on the lower end of the average range. So that was comforting. We went through hours of testing with him. Luckily it was more like hours of games with him. So he handled it well. It was most beneficial for Leif and I because it helped us see all of his many strengths and how they outweigh his weaknesses. We're really grateful for the help that we were given with him.

When Jakob was three+ years old he insisted on being rocked before bed (by Mama.) Caleb suddenly started doing the same thing. I admit that it's a sweet moment together right before bed. Even if I am Exhausted! Tonight he wanted to sing the ABC's as I held him. So Sweet!

J.J. 
Ahh My JJ. He's growing up SO FAST! Faster then any of my other kids. Having two older brothers to keep up with will do that. Luckily for me this past month JJ's hit a snuggling stage. He'll often come to me when I'm reading, or at the computer, or anywhere really, and lay his head up against my knee and snuggle me. Of course then I will pick him up and give him loves. Who could resist!?

JJ Loves to sing!! He loves to sing with Leif. He has since he was very young. This Sunday we had people looking back at us during Sacrament meeting because JJ was babbling right along to the Hymns in full voice. It's amazing!

So far JJ says with understanding: Papa, bye-bye, please (peas), thank you (tank you), ba ba (drink), and MMM (food). He shakes his head no and yes and he is a GIANT tease, to a fault! If I say no, he will race to finish doing what he's not supposed to. If I say come, he will run away. He loves to tease his brothers as well. Lovely!  But oh his laugh is like music to my ears! And he loves to laugh!!

My precious family! All I need to do is write an update like this every once in a while to reflect and remember all that I have been blessed with. So very blessed!

For the Record: Changes Taking Place in the New Year

Written December 14, 2011:
We have a lot going on behind the scenes of every day life. I thought I'd share a few.

The Semester was Successful:
I have finished this semester of school and I gratefully passed both classes with good grades. I enjoy the added knowledge the classes give me. But I am hoping to put my classes on hold for a few years.

Jakob Will Start Public School Again, Home School Part Time:
After a lot of prayer, pondering, and discussion we've decided to enroll Jakob into the "Big School" starting in January so that I can focus more attention on the little boys. Caleb's wonderful preschool teacher won't be able to continue teaching into the new year. So this is more reason for me to make more time for Caleb. Now that the decision is made I'm really looking forward to it.

Caleb will be four years old in about three months. He has just recently started talking in sentences. Now that he's finally talking we can work on helping him with the speech problems that he has. We are working on determining if the problem is simply a delay or if there are other things involved.

When it comes to Home School we will still have home school on Fridays as the Public School here is only Monday-Thursday. This will give Jakob the chance to finish his BJU Press Math program and all of us time to  learn about the subjects I planned for the home school year. I will miss the good times together. But Home Schooling is VERY intense and I can't help but be relieved by the decision. I do worry about where Jakob will be in his class academically. I know he'll be fine with everything. But I worry that we didn't get far enough along with reading and phonics. But no use stewing over what I can't change now... Right? He's a really smart kid and will learn quickly. That brings me a lot of comfort!

Big Plans for Leif's Schooling:
A little while back, out of the blue, Leif and I started feeling like we needed to re-look at our plans for his Nursing School. To make a long story short we've decided to have Leif apply to Northern Arizona University's Accelerated Nursing Program. This program is only a one year program that gives Leif a Bachelors in Nursing. The program at the local community college is a two year program that gives Leif an Associates degree which means Leif will have to add another year of nursing in order to get his Bachelors (which is required for his end Nurse Anesthetist goal.)  The thought of being into a nursing career within a year compared to three years is too wonderful to give up at this point in our lives.

THE CATCH???
The NAU program is in Flagstaff AZ. This means that Leif will have to move there and we will stay behind. This is why we have always thrown out the idea before now. But I feel okay about the option now. It will be incredibly hard. But the thought of moving forward is too great to give up. The application deadline is in January and we will know if he's been accepted by March. The program is very competitive but Leif is a highly qualified candidate. He took the Nursing Entrance Exam for NAU and the average score for the students accepted into the program is 70%, Leif got an 89%.  Leif is also an EMT and will be an advanced EMT before the program starts. He is also a volunteer fire fighter in our community. Leif graduated with honors from NAU with his first Bachelors degree. With all of his high qualifications I am able to put the decision fully in the Lord's hands.

Just a Little Break

Well, I broke my back yesterday. Got your attention!? I thought so:) Well, I really did fracture a vertebrae in my back yesterday, can you believe that!? Yep! JJ was falling down a little hill when we were playing at a friend's house and Grace here, wasn't so graceful and I fell right on my rear as I tried to rescue him. I have Osteopenia  in my lower back and so when my back gradually started to throb more and more I decided to go get an X-ray. Sure enough a small fracture. It's not is a place that will cause pain. But it's an interesting thought to know that you have a fracture in your back. Lovely! Just wanted to share For the Record. All is well! I'll take more calcium :)

On a More Personal Note

I've been wanting/not wanting to write lately. Just a note on my personal realities. Something's held me back. Not sure what. But anyway, here it is, like it is.

My last wellness post was chipper and filled with great success. Uh, yeah, don't challenge things by celebrating too loudly. Bummer, but true!

So what's the story?

Well, almost everything I eat sets off an allergic reaction (hive like symptoms). Seriously, almost everything. And this has moved me closer to a depressive frustrated state of being. It's no good! Friday I'll go to the doctors and get a bunch of tests run (I'm assuming.) Then I'll start taking antidepressants again. Eventually, (hopefully sooner then later) I will have a GI scope done. And then I will meet with the ENT and talk about the possibility of taking out my tonsils and adenoids.

In the meantime, we all have sinus infections and I have a lot of homework to do this week. My load lightens up a lot starting next week. I'm really enjoying my classes. That helps a lot when I have big papers due. Leif is AMAZING! I know he's wondering who stole his wife and left the bear in her place. But he's handling things well and I am eternally grateful for his patience and love! We have a lot on our plates. I haven't even mentioned the stresses Leif is facing right now. Let me do that for the record.

We found out on Leif's birthday that the Nursing school that Leif was going to go to has put a hold on their program. That puts a huge kink in our plans. In the meantime he will:

• Apply for the Masters of Health Administration program at NAU and pray that they will accept him. 
• Update his massage therapy licence.
• Sign up for the next CNA classes. 

-This is us rolling in, and out, with the tide.- 

Milestones

This year has been and will continue to be marked by some great milestones in our family's life and journey. I will share them for the record.

2011 Marked the moment that:

• We eliminated all but one credit card and its debt.
• We paid off our car. 
• We purchased a dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer (AKA made Mama's life A LOT easier!)
• Leif earned his Bachelors degree (NAU) in Public Administration.
• Leif and Lena took their health (or lack thereof) to a whole new level of importance.

And the moments yet to come are:

• Leif will be work and school-free for one whole summer (AKA filling up the family's Love Tank before the Great Journey ahead.)
• Leif will begin his (2 year) Nursing program (WGU) online and commuting to Beaver and in the end earn a Bachelors Degree in Nursing.
• Leif will begin his Masters program (NAU) online for Health Administration. 
• Lena will take the first University level classes she's ever taken (Utah State University) and will work towards a degree in Family Life Studies. 

There is a reason we say "milestones". It is because it takes time and effort to achieve them. And they make a mark in the journey.  Yes, these are definite Milestones!

Another One!

Well, I've just decided. I know I have several blogs. Like over a dozen to be exact. Some of them are on-going, some are at a stand still, and some are complete. And then there are those yet to be written. You've got it. I'm going to start another blog. This blog just isn't the place to keep a travel log of our fluctuating health and experimenting as I try to find my family's optimum health. So, I'm going to make a place just for that. I'll call it: Mama's Gettin' Us Healthy. If you feel like your life's just not enough of a roller coaster or perhaps not mysterious enough, join my world there. It will be a work in progress over these next few days.

New Found Energy - Could It Be Gluten Free?

Things have been interesting since I posted last. I received a great blessing. ENERGY! I'm not exactly sure how it happened other then an answer to prayer. I woke up on Thursday and I decided to start cleaning the house. Not just surface cleaning. REALLY cleaning. Gutting things out cleaning. Vacuuming from top to bottom cleaning. No dust left cleaning. Ten bags of garbage and Thrift Store cleaning. And it feels AMAZING! By Friday night I had worn Leif out with all of the "Honey-Do's.' At one point he asked how I got all of the new found energy. I was wondering the same thing.

We still have more to do. But it feels so good to walk in to a less cluttered, more organized house. When it comes to how I feel, I'm feeling better. Obviously. I still have a lot of pain (especially as I am trying to get out of bed.) But during this last weekend I tested to see if eating Gluten-Free helped me at all. I wasn't perfect. But I'm wondering if it played a role in my energy and motivation level.

Today we cleaned out all of the cupboards and will give away all of the food that is not Gluten-Free. Saturday we went shopping so we can try to go Gluten-Free and see if it makes any difference for me or the kids (Leif doesn't think it will make a difference either way for him.) We shall see. Last night as we were going through the bedtime routine I announced that we were going to conduct a science experiment. I knew this was a good way to get Jakob on board. I told him that we were going to eat certain foods to see if they help me feel better and we would not eat certain foods to see if they were the foods making me sick. Today Leif called me and Jakob answered the phone. Leif asked him what I was doing (I was clearing out the cupboards) Jakob told Leif I was working on my Science Project. :)

Life is busy and ever-changing. We are working on getting the family healthy. New eating habits, new battery operated toothbrushes, dentist appointments, allergy testing (hopefully), an upper GI scope for Leif (he's had problems for a while with his stomach or something.) Along with all of this Leif starts classes tomorrow. AND we have to apply for nursing school and a scholarship. Never a dull moment. I sure hope things only continue to get better!

Celiac Disease? Nope! Anemic? No. Mono? Nadda! I Am...

PERFECTLY HEALTHY!? Are You SERIOUS? No, I am not crazy. Okay, maybe I am. Because I did in fact hope that the doctor would tell me that I had a serious illness. But as you can see from the title of this post all of the test results came back saying that I am just fine. I should be accustomed to this by now. But it is still a bummer when it happens. Inconclusive doctor visits are very much part of my life story.

"So what exactly is Wrong?" I have been asked this a lot lately. "Are you sure it's not just the riggers of life with three little rascals?" Definitely part of it. "How about Prozac?" Takein' the Zoloft thing. "Exercise?" It could not possibly just be a lack of exercise... could it? Tis' a possibility I guess. "Sleep Apnea?" I'm not thinking so. But... I'm sleeping, how would I know!?

I had concluded that Celiac Disease fit like a long lost glove. I know that it's insane. But I wanted Celiac Disease. Celiac Disease is diagnosed by a blood test (or a biopsy.) You either have it or you don't. You can solve many of the problems from Celiac just by changing what you eat. We were ready to do that. And to think that I could look forward to a healthier, much healthier future felt like a dream come true. uhhh... Now What?

Well, as a teenager I had a little saying posted all over my room, it said "Smile Through the Tears." So that it what I will do. Luckily, I'm not often on the edge of tears. I have Very Much to be grateful for and I laugh daily. Really, I just want to feel better so I can be a better wife and mother. It's just a bummer...

So the plan? Well, I need to do everything that I can do. It's time to lose some weight. Start walking again even if it's hard. And I will be tested for any and every allergy that I can be tested for. We have one allergist within a two hour drive from us. He does not accept our insurance. So we will turn to the internet and order a Home Allergy Test Kit. So far I'm leaning towards this company: Test Your Intolerance USA. They do hair analysis that is as effective as a blood test but cheaper. So we shall see.

I know some of you might be wondering what this ramble is about. The behind the scenes. I think I have mentioned on the blog somewhat how I've been feeling the last little while. But tomorrow I will post a "For the Record" post with details about what's going on. Perhaps one of you will read it and have a idea of what might be happening. Until Then. G'Nite!

More Blood: For The Record

Blood always seems to grab our attention doesn't it? Not that that was my point in putting it in my title. I just grew up trying to make a good headline for my papers as that was something my dad always tried to help me with (he was a Chief Copy Editor for the Deseret News.)

ANYWAY: I went to the doctor again today to try to brain storm on what might be going on with my health. I know it's not just fibromyalgia, if at all. I Can Not be sick any more!!! My family needs me at full capacity. I'm praying that we have struck gold this time. We have concluded that it is highly possible that I have Celiac Disease (An autoimmune disease caused by a negative reaction to the protein in grains called gluten.) So I'll go give blood to test for: Celiac disease, Mono, Anemia, B 12, and Thyroid. None of these are fun. But for a person who has been sickly their whole life, a clear answer with a clear solution is WONDERFUL!

A Diagnosis: For The Record

I met with the Doctor a while back. In fact, it was quite a while ago, possibly before Caleb was born. However, I remember the appointment like it was last week. The diagnosis he gave me was one that I refused to accept. I just didn't want the condition, and that was that. Gradually the symptoms subsided for me and I gradually moved on from the experience. Until I had another C-Section. Everything is back.

I have Fibromyalgia. It's such a big word. With an equally big definition. And no, it is not life threatening. Only life changing.

"ScienceDaily (June 3, 2008) — Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition that causes widespread pain and tenderness throughout the body. A University of Michigan study, published in The Journal of Pain, shows that fibromyalgia is associated with central nervous system abnormalities evidenced by patients’ elevated sensitivity to auditory and pressure sensations."

For some people they become consumed by pain it is so overwhelming. Gratefully, for me it is only a struggle. And I am also grateful for the hope that I have that this current flare-up will go into remission like my last (when I had a C-Section for my twins.)

I know that I haven't gone into too much detail. It's not that It's personal information. It's just boring for the most part. But it is something that I should have "on the record." So there it is. I have good days, bad days, and some VERY bad days.

All will be well one day!

Second Essay Complete

Some posts are just for the record.

This is my second essay for my English class. It came at a busy time and I never really caught the vision of it. I wrote one essay for my rough draft and a completely new essay as my final. I don't think the professor appreciated that!

Type of Essay: Short expository using "Development by example." Written in third person
Subject Given: "Failure to keep my mouth shut (or some other bad habit) leads me into trouble."
Grade Given: B
What I Learned From This Essay: In college, you write the same paper for both your rough draft and your final draft.

Mama Must Keep Up

It is 4:30 in the afternoon. The dishes from breakfast and lunch are still on the table, the laundry is still in mountainous piles on the bed, the preschooler has set up battle scenes between cars and dinosaurs throughout the living room, and Papa just walked through the door. What has Mama been doing while all of this mess has been growing within the walls of her domain? Mama is sitting at her computer writing and researching... again. This has become far too common in her daily routine. Failure for Mama to keep up on the house chores leads to a lack of harmony in the home.

For example, when Mama does not keep up on the dishes, a distinct unpleasant odor floats through the little cottage that she is supposed to keep clean. Because the kitchen sink is also the place where Mama baths the baby, if the dishes are not cleared from the sink then the baby does not get the bath that he needs. Another example is, when Mama lets the clean clothes sit in piles upon the bed without folding them before bedtime. When this happens, those piles then become mountains upon the floor at the foot of the bed. These piles are then stepped on throughout the night as Mama and Papa are getting in and out of bed to comfort the children who inevitably wake up throughout the night.

The little cottage that Mama and Papa live in with their children is centered by a living space called the living room. This is where the family gathers at night to read stories, play games, and have family prayer before bedtime. If Mama allows the living room to fall into complete disarray, and the kitchen to be scattered with dishes that emanate a foul smell, then the joy and contentment that should be felt during these special family times is greatly limited and dampened.