July 2020: Deja Vu of Times Past

 Wednesday July15, 2020

It's time to take a minute to write some things down.. . And to think, back in the day I used to write every single detail of our lives down.🤦‍♀️ Believing that I'd print them out for others to read... 🤣 Its still a hope and dream of mine to get everything printed... but once again in my life, I'm just treading water. It takes everything I have to keep one thought flowing to the next. Praying that I'll remember the most important things and appointments. Human bodies are so fragile. Well, mine is anyway. 

In January 2020, I felt a very eerily familiarity seep into our life. I felt like we were re-living the year(s) 2012/13/14. Except that we were actually living 2020, but with a clear remembrance of the hardships and lessons learned that year(s). Leif moved to Flagstaff AZ for nursing school that year. It was the second hardest year of my life. I wish I could say I passed the "single married mom" test with flying colors. Uuh, NO. I fell apart. Physically and mentally. Which led to a shutdown spiritually. The breakdown closed what used to be an open flow of two way enlightenment. Thus the end of the "blog years." When Leif finished his year of school we packed up and moved to Missouri. But thinking back to that time, we had buried two loved ones and almost lost another one, Leif graduated with his Bachelor's in Nursing AND we had a burst appendix scare from Caleb, all within the last six months of Leif's finals and our cross country move. It was a ridiculous roller coaster ride. Leif secured his employment while I was loading the kids in the van after staying the night at a hotel as we drove to MO. NOTHING big in our story ever happens on its own, long enough to appreciate and celebrate. It's just a Check Off on the To Do List. ... Some things never change. The first year living in MO was as enchanting as it was challenging. We lived on my uncle's ranch. It was Heavenly! We quickly started gathering animals and lived as exciting as possible. The challenge came when Leif was rescheduled to Night Shift. His commute to work was 1 hour each way. So he just started sleeping at the hospital a few nights each week. As time wore on all I remember was frozen pizza. Lots and Lots of frozen pizza. And M&Ms. My health was steadily declining and there wasn't a blessed thing I could do about it. I remember focusing on scripture study. Teaching the boys "The Lord's Prayer." And I remember retreating to the peace and animals outside because I knew they most likely wouldn't talk back or scream at me. And it was so calm and clear out there in the country. This was also the timeframe when we were having Caleb evaluated and diagnosed. His very first diagnosis from a pediatric neuropsychiatricst was "Oppositional Defiant Disorder."  The diagnosis was spot on. But we didn't accept it, nor did it really rear its head, until this year. He was also diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. The only way to prepare and curve ODD is through establishing rigid values and routines. So that when the child is of age, he can at least know right from wrong and have a structure to fall to when the battle within is SO HARD. Gratefully, values and structure were already the foundational plan.

The second year of life in MO was far less enchanting. We had to sell all of our beloved animals, except for my puppy, Mia. Then we moved into an apartment in Springfield. We were leaving family, teachers, and ward members whom we loved. But we/Leif couldn't keep up the schedule he was working. We needed to be together more. 

Soon after moving to Springfield, River was diagnosed with Cancer.  Words and logic can't exactly explain the final blow that that shock had on me. From there, I remember my bedroom. Show after show on Netflix. Day after day. And M&Ms. My entire view of reality was distorted by the physical and mental imbalance. Karin, River's mom, was stalwart in her faith and search for hope. She strengthened me. Through the Merciful Grace of God, River survived that round of Cancer. We had her for 5 more years. The Cancer took her in May of 2020.

Somehow throughout those 3 years, my kids were bathed and fed. My house was never clean. But it was rarely filthy. It's a miracle that we all survived. Still married and together. 

Leif is a Master Compartmentalizer. It's a gift. Whether it's healthy in the long run or not, that's to be debated. But because he's able to flip one switch off and another one on, he's able to cope with our reality. I didn't understand what was happening during that first year of Nursing School. I just felt forgotten and abandoned. Not the case. He is just able to triage what is most important at the exact moment. As opposite as we are in this regard, it is the saving grace of our marriage and life. Because if he couldn't shut off the stress of having a sick and crazy wife, and his four sons, then he would be useless at work. Not to mention his full time career as a student. … Yes, I often wonder how long a man can live a compartmentalized lifestyle. 

By the end of our second year in MO, I was barely getting out of bed. It was time for drastic measures. That's when we moved to North Carolina to live with my sister. Leif started as a Travel Nurse. 

For the next 2+ years we lived with family or in exotic places. This allowed me time to rest and share the household duties with someone else. It also marked 5 years of my body not being pregnant.  

Leif came and went from us throughout this time also. We had learned how to live apart and still carry on a relationship. Although,  I think that was ONLY possible because I was always sharing the chore load with another woman in the house.

I think the dejavu between these years and now actually started when I got pregnant again and had an immediate miscarriage and then complications throughout Joshua's pregnancy. That definitely threw Leif and I both into rounds of PTSD that we hadn't dealt with for a long time. And then as Joshua has grown it seems that he, just as Caleb and JJ, has had a lot of delays and milestone issues along the way. It's all felt surreal. Just so vaguely familiar. Except now, we tend to stop and look back sometimes and try to learn from the experiences of the past. 

In addition to Joshua's issues, we have Caleb flaring up with his developmental/behavioral issues. And JJ with his likely ADD and "middle child syndrome."  And like a cherry on top, Jakob's musculoskeletal pain and injuries are often an issue. All of these boys have Things, BIG Things that Really need to be tackled. Not to mention teeth and eye issues. 🤦‍♀️

So for me to be so sick again is an absolute Twilight Zone type nightmare. I keep reaching towards the dejavu, as if there's a message there of how to make everything work out. A secret answer to make me healthy and strong. 

The one similar vein that flows between each time is Leif and his work schedule. The months and years when he has a reasonable amount of time at home without distractions, or if I have someone I am sharing the household load with, then things seem to be manageable. But in both times, once Leif is forced to juggle long work hours, school, and home, that's when I seem to crumble. Through absolutely no fault of his. He's incredible. All that he does around the house is astounding compared to most men. 

It's just Me. I'm the one who can't keep it together. It's tragic, really! If I could function like he does… it would be amazing. 

So what does a mother do when she's broken? We all came to earth knowing that we would each face different trials. My trial is having a body and a mind that holds me back from a spirits’ desire to do Great Things!  They say that our bodies are made up of clay. Well, my clay got a heap load of jumbled upon being built. And the disconnect that has resulted is extremely challenging. 

I wonder… I wonder if all that we really need to do is figure out how to afford a housekeeper? Could the answer really be that simple? During times before now there was absolutely no possibility of this option. But there was the option of living with someone who could help. But now, there's no chance of living with someone. But there is more money flexibility. 

And then I remember that we are, in fact, living in the year 2020. The year that will forever be named the year that 'Hell Froze Over.' Anything we thought just "couldn't happen" has, or will, happen this year. Including a quarantine that doesn't allow housekeepers to come into family homes. … I wonder if that is still the case? It's incredible how resilient we are as a people when faced with completely new problems that need to be overcome. They've probably figured out a way to keep their business going.

As for tomorrow, well, I'll wake up. But I need to do more than just wake up. I have to Get Up!!! I have been sick in bed officially now for 10 days. Times up!! Mom's don't get the luxury of slowly regaining their strength after bleeding their guts out [Colitis flare].🤪🤣  It's just not in the cards for us. It doesn't matter how wretched you feel. Clothes have to be washed. Dishes must be loaded. Baby's need to be bathed. Husband's and son's can only do so much before it's time to step in and straighten the tower of pisa that has become the house. 

Appointments need to be made. Appointments need to be attended. Thank you, Father, for introducing the medical world to Zoom. My life will forever be easier because of this! … Always, Always, search for the things to be grateful for. 

Do I remember what two big appointments are happening tomorrow? No. But I'm sure I'll get a text message, reminding me to pay my co pay beforehand. 😉 Thus, reminding me of my schedule…. It's a new day in age, to be sure!

July 26, 2020

What a story we are living right now. It's only 9:15 in the morning and so much has happened.  The night was filled with three hour increments of deep sleep. With waking up to comfort our own baby from nightmares or hunger. Along with feeding kittens. So gratefully the mama dog slept through the night. Albeit, in our bedroom. I was so worried that she'd be disturbing. 

This morning at 6:00 I woke up and took the dog out to pee. I then went to feed the kitties. There were two out of a litter of three. One passed several days ago. One of the two left has been sick for a few days. This morning she was really sick and dying. Instead of letting the process drag out, we prepped things to put her to sleep (baking soda and vinegar gas.) Poor Leif got emotional as I was loving on her and setting her in the pale for sleep. He's so tender hearted about the animals when they're sick and dying. I guess I compartmentalize.

Joshua and JJ were playing on the stairs today. We pointed out the picture of Christ on the wall to Joshua and he said His version of Jesus.

Then we pointed out the picture of the temple, for the first time. And Joshua looked at it, pointed, and said "pray!"  This little one sees far more then we do... I pray we can help him keep a healthy balance with his gift.

Little Man Has the Flu

We have finally figured out what has made Joshua so sick. He has Influenza A. Poor guy is miserable!!  So are we!  The only time that is a repreave believe it or not is during the night. He's so sleepy that he sleeps six hours straight which is better then his norm. Otherwise, yowza it's bad! His fever was 103. That's what tipped us to know it was more then a bad cold. gratefully that's broke.

It's been a few days since I've written. I'm having a rough go right now. There's not one single reason. I think it's just the load of life. We can't shake the Winter Sickness. It's been a long time since we had to deal with so much sickness. We were isolated for a long time as Travelers and Home Schoolers. So it's hard to get used to having so much snot, coughing, and headaches to deal with. Especially with a baby who is building up his immune system. Uhg!!

I forget it's the dead of Winter too. My body really likes to hibernate during the Winter. So even though it's often Sunny I think it still knows that in the past we went in to hibernation mode. This makes me really grateful for all of the big windows in our apartment that I can see the sunshine through.

PMDD has been BAD this month. Really Bad! The kind of bad that reminds me how closely PMDD can resemble a Multiple Personality Disorder. It's extra difficult because if something is planned at one moment that needs to be carried out in another moment, I could be feeling a completely different personality and ability. It's embarrassing and a Nightmare!!

And the longer we stay living in one place, the more it shows to other people how unstable my personal world can become at times. I have to remind myself that the huge majority of the people around me are clueless of the inconsistencies. Most people are just not that observant. But I am. And I recognize them. And it's Really Hard!!

Family Life Photo Dump!!

Caleb and JJ are excited to participate in the scouts Pinewood Derby this weekend. This is one thing I have done my best at making sure all of the boys have participated in and worked on with Leif. Even when Leif lived away from home, some how he has always managed to help the boys on their cars and they've had a great time! 

Joshua LOVES stuffed animals. LOVES THEM! This is him in the bin of animals at Walmart. :)

Joshua is reading us a story. This is a cute pic Leif caught of me listening to Joshua..

I haven't rewatched this. But it was cute when I recorded it. So hopefully it's appropriate. lol!  Joshua LOVES to be read to and to read to us. 

I walked in the room after asking the boys to feed the baby something and he had licorice running down his mouth. :) Mmm!

Guess who finally lost his two front teeth!? And he sounds so cute!!!  

My little Dapper boy waiting and reading with Papa at the Neurology appointment. He passed with flying colors. No more residual problems from the rough birth. 

This is a pic of me trying to get a pic of all of Joshua's curls. But he moves so fast. It's almost impossible to really catch how cute they are. 

This is the rain. It RAINED AND RAINED for an entire week. They say it was Very unusual. It was fun at first. Then, not so much. We Love our sunshine!!

And this my friends, is a clean bathroom counter. It took months for me to really get it cleaned off. But I finally did. This is my "Just Keep Swimmin'" Pic tht reminds me that we just have to keep trying and eventually what we're working towards WILL get done as long as we keep working on it.:)

We Caught The Sickness... uhg!

What day is it???  Seriously! I think yesterday was Sunday. But I was asleep the entire day. I vaguely remember Leif wearing a suit somewhere in between asleep and awake.

A few days ago Joshua ended up being really sick with a stomach virus. Right before he got sick we had a day filled with doctor visits. Jakob was officially diagnosed with mild yet, active arthritis (again.) But this time the doctor had a brain and actually helped us move forward on what we could do to help him. Gratefully we won't have to use systemic medication for him. He thinks the arthritis is only in the knee. So they were able to treat it with a steroid shot. Jakob handled it Very Well!! Shots and procedures are very overwhelming for him. We also confirmed that he has a dysfunctional autonomic nervous system, like me. (Sorry Buddy!!) That's why he has Rhaynauds symptoms and the orthostatic problems. That is something Jakob will have to work on balancing himself. Unless it gets clinical. For now it's finding what works: More water? More salt? Mind control? Heat? Layers? yadi yada yada.

Straight from Jakob's appointment I went to the dentist. I know that it's time to go get a tooth fixed when the gum starts to hurt. Otherwise, I am blessed with no pain even though my teeth are brittle and breaking. So I went in, also being the beginning of the new year and a new medical insurance term. They immediately started working on crowning one molar. Unfortunately, two molars have to come out. I have a few more that can be crowned to preserve them for future work. So we've decided to do that and then be done for the year. That and getting a jaw CT Scan to determine the viability of my jaw bone for possible reconstruction. Hopefully I can go get that done soon. The work done seems to have been fine. However, I should have asked for a prescription of prednisone. Because my mouth is filled with sores from the work that was done. I'll remember that next time. I wonder if I should just get a little shot right into the mouth during the surgery. Or through the IV. I'll have to look into that.

During my dentist appointment Leif called to tell me the baby was puking. Poor guy!!! Nothing worse then a puking baby and hungry kids, and no mama. It's like Leif working as an RN with no CNA! :) :) :)  He told me had ordered Wendy's to be delivered through Door Dash. When I heard that, I knew this was serious. :) Later on I saw the bill ($50) It must have been Very Serious!!! LOL!!!

The next day Joshua was supposed to go to his Neuro appointment about the nerve damage from his rough birth. Unfortunately, he was way too sick. We decided to take him in for some Zofran and a flu/strep test. Gratefully, the strep was negative. He didn't have enough feverish symptoms for flu. During the appointment we were meeting with the Nurse Practitioner instead of the Doctor. We took the opportunity to ask her about precepting Leif for his clinicals. She said she knew just the people to call and that she would call them that day.  this was a very Tender Mercy!!  Leif called the people today and it's looking promising.

So, we brought Joshua home and he and I crashed! We were so tired! And this is where it all starts to become foggy. In between asleep and awake I placed a grocery order on Instacart for Costco and the grocery store. We watched/listened to some of a good Jazz game. I found myself cleaning up puke in the middle of the night from Jakob being sick. Then somewhere in there I was the one puking.  I wasn't messing around though. I took the zofran. But I also to phenagren left over from my pregnancy. That stuff knocks me out for HOURS!!!!  I was asleep all day. Leif said that I helped clean up baby after puking and pooping. But I barely remember it.

The only thing I remember while so drowsy, is that I dreamed on and on and on about the possibility that I was pregnant. And how absolutley life altering that would be. Subconsciously/consciously I knew that I was supposed to have been visited by aunt flo in between all of this. But she hadn't arrived yet. I knew that it was 1 in 1000 chance that I could be pregnant. But with my body and helath history, 1 in 1000 had happened multiple times. So I remember calculating the fact that I have only missed my period 8 times in my life and all of those 8 times I was pregnant. :) :) And this went on and on and on.  Until I was finally awake and alert enough to go find my calendar. Sure enough, I was late. But.... Have no fear!!! She made her grand entrance this morning. Well, not real grand. But who complaining of a light aunt flo visit!? Not Me!!!

But it sure has made me wonder for the umpteenth time why we didn't just have them take everything out when they tied my tubes. As much as we would love and welcome another baby, people, it would be MADNESS!!! If you followed Joshua's pregnancy you understand. :) :)

So, here we are. I'm not pregnant. Not puking, but still quezzy and sore. Jakob is a bit queezy and sore. Joshua is also queezzy and sore, from what we can tell. I kept everyone home from school. This isn't something to share. Caleb has a sore throat. Nothing else. JJ isn't sick, but did lose his two front teeth. Finally!! :) :) :)

I've finally caught everything up. It's time for a nap and to read more from the latest book I'm reading The Empath's Survival Guide Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD. :)

Not Much Getting Done

We're taking a sick day or two... Unfortunately, This is how we both feel.

What A Wonderful Birthday!

Today we celebrated my 40th Birthday! Wowza!! Forty Years Old... How cool is that!? 😁

We met our good friend's the Days at the theater and watched Mary Poppins Returns. It was very cute and the kids especially loved it!! I loved being surrounded by so many Friends and my family.💗💗💗 Tonight us adults met at Island Burger and enjoyed a great meal and even better company.  It's so nice to have so many wonderful friends!!! I feel very very blessed!!

Happy Birthday, Indeed!

Sunshine and Seashells

This morning I saw this pic on our Huntington Beach Community Forum. The guy told us that there was going to be a Negative Tide this afternoon. I would love to see something like this!!! So I worked on mustering some strength. It was a battle against some serious fatigue. So I went to Facebook to get some cheerleaders. :) And Cheer they did!!! 💓💓💓


Ok guys. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to battle off the wicked fatigue I have today. And I'm going to take the boys to the beach during the negative tide in search of amazing things like this!!! Wish me luck! I have 3 hours to feel good!🙏🐙🙏🐚🙏🦀🙏 Photo Credit Joe Katchka of Huntington Beach CA.

So, we ventured out and the boys chose to go to a beach that is known for seashells. They Really didn't want to go to the pier. So we'll go there another time. We had a great time! Blue Skies, Sunshine, Seashells, and Ocean. Can't get better then that!!

Leif and Lena Baron Family

Christmas Update for 2018

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of our Dear Friends and Family!!  We hope that this letter finds you well and happy. Our family is doing well! We've officially lived in California for one year now. Three months in Bakersfield and nine months in Huntington Beach.

Leif is working in Compton at MLK Community Hospital as a permanent float pool RN and is no longer a travel nurse. He enjoys the hospital and his co-workers. And they Love him! As a float pool nurse he is assigned to departments all over the hospital including the ER and the ICU. His latest evaluation was filled with praise and gratitude from the administration. Can't beat that! He is also finishing up his final year of his Masters Degree as a Family Nurse Practitioner. It's amazing to think that there's a light at the end of that tunnel. Leif and I finally convinced ourselves, and the ward leadership, that we will truly be staying here. Leading them to give us each a calling in the ward. Leif is serving in the primary and I am in the primary presidency as second counselor.  Leif is an amazing nurse. But he is an even better father and husband. He brings a life and light to our home that is hard to beat.

Lena, well, I'm doing well! I am happy. And I have all that I could ask for. I have a testimony of my Savior and His gospel. I have an amazing husband. I have seriously, Seriously, amazing children. Especially my sweet baby who is currently my constant companion. Which I know was absolutely meant to be for this time in my life. I live in a beautiful part of the country in a place close to the ocean, sunshine, and all of the conveniences of life that a mother could ask for. I am making good friends along the way. And keeping friends old and new from around the world. My cup runneth over, really. On the harder days I have plenty of good things to keep me from falling too deep, for too long into the dark. We have finally narrowed down the names and diagnosis' to my ailments. Which has been a lifelong journey up to this point.  And we are only steps away from getting control of a lot of the struggles I face daily. I feel very very grateful and blessed!!

Jakob. Jakob. Honestly, Jakob is the linchpin of the family right now. His mood and influence determines much of how the rest of the house feels. Gratefully, he is most often cheerful, helpful, silly, and uplifting. Wherever Jakob is, there will be music. He revolves around listening to, exploring, and creating music. All different genres :)  Jakob has full blown ADD. So this means that he is a constant multitasker. For example, right now he's listening to his current music, while playing or watching his favorite computer game of War Thunder (currently as a Fighter Pilot), all while juggling his baby brother. Really, that's a small scale example for him. Most of the time he's flipping through several different random YouTube things he's researching at the moment. All while playing and listening to music. He's pretty impressive. His parkour, writing, and acting skills are equally impressive. He is now a Teacher in the Priesthood and takes this very seriously. Jakob has a "presence" about him. He makes a big impact on whatever, whoever, and where ever he is. I love to watch him interact with the kids at church and school. He's so unique. Yet, they all admire him. It's pretty fascinating to watch. Jakob has his health challenges too. Which we're finally able to address. His rheumatologist is the chief rheumatologist of the children's hospital and is a great doctor. Jakob's up against some challenges with Juvenile Arthritis. But he'll tackle them like a champ. Of that I have no doubt.

Caleb, what would we do without Caleb!? Caleb "shakes things up a bit", every day. 😁 He is showing so much progress in school. He's in the 4th grade and we love to watch his writing and spelling improve as he puts his mind to it daily. Caleb has a kind and tender heart. He really wants everyone around him to be their best self. Caleb still Loves WWII and military history, especially anything about tanks and tank battles. Caleb still battles Autism and ADHD. But he has mastered many “life skills” by now that have moved him forward in many ways. We are so proud of him and love every ounce of him and all that he is.

JJ, or rather, “Jonathan”, as he has chosen to go by at school; is as wonderful and complex as his full given name of Jonathan Jefferson Lee Baron. 😲 He was baptized this summer and his tender spirit and desire to do good reflects the commitment to Christ he made. He is doing great in school. And has made a lot of friends. Which means that he's finally able to go a week or more without talking about how much he misses Alton (his favorite place to live). 😉 JJ Loves dinosaurs and hopes to be a paleontologist some day. JJ is a great brother. Especially with Joshua. He will read and play with him for hours. I also love to watch JJ and Caleb navigate their relationship. I often compare them to “two grumpy old men, sittin’ on a porch, tryin’ to outdo each other as they talk story.” 😂 They know that if I start calling them “Frank” and “Bob”, that it's time for them to simmer down and make some peace💓

Joshua. Our precious Little Caboose. I would be, and was, lost without him. I love all of my children! But each of them has had the season where they are “My Baby.” And this is his. Though, I have a feeling that his season might last just a little bit longer then the others did. ;) Joshua is what I call a “conflicted introvert”.  Much like his Papa, he can be the life of the party and yet be one who would rather hang back within his own thoughts and observations. He has a presence about him, much like Jakob. People are drawn to his warmth. Though his quick smile and strawberry blonde curls help him in this regard, i’m sure. He will jibber jabber to people, himself, the windows, and to his toys, all day long. Telling all of his favorite stories.

He LOVES HIS BROTHERS and will mimic their every word and action. Truthfully, the only real word that he says without hesitation and with full understanding is  “pray” .And he brings his two hands together in the sign of prayer. It shocked and tickled us when he surprised all of us one night at family prayer. Otherwise, there's a lot of testing of sounds and signs. But few true blue words. He says “mama”. But rarely with a purpose. Joshua is healthy for the most part. He's walking, eating, and doing all the cute things a 15 month old baby should. The only concern that still lingers from his rough and early birth is the possibility of some nerve or neurological damage with his right arm. It's very subtle. But he crawls on a fist and his arm gives out on him here and there. So we're meeting with a Pediatric Neurologist about that. He also has a problem with his right eye. It likes to wander outwards on occasion. So that will be fixed later. Once the muscles are grown more. So, all in all, for a baby who came out not breathing for a bit, we are So Very Grateful for the health and strength he is blessed with. And for the treasure that he has become within our family.

Thank you all for catching up with us! Please know that we Love you all and miss you and your company. Also, please remember that there are  ALWAYS Good Things To Come in this life! We must not give up! Please endure to the end, In Christ. For, we know with all of our hearts that He will carry us through all things.

With Love,

The L&L Baron Family

Rough Day

THIS is what a pretty bad day looks like. I thought it appropriate that my pajamas say ME.  I'm so grateful for the Blogger app on my phone. Otherwise, I would not be blogging.

The next stage has hit. Stage three last week was easy compared to other months. But starting New Years eve night, BAM!#! Next Stage. I was woke up from my body pain. And that's. Sayin something. Because I went to sleep exhausted. Yeah, the pain level was about a 7. I've kept it down to 5/6 since then with Ib profin and tylonal. But man, the hardest part today is the lethargy.

The house is a disaster! We had to empty the van Completely to take it to the shop. So the house is overflowing. Then we walked in New Years eve from our party and Dropped everything in the kitchen and went to bed. Then yesterday no cleaning took place. So, Cr#p! It's a Mess!!!  (insert crying emoji). The baby was up every two to three hrs last night. And if you know me, you know our night starts Very early. Like 7pm early. So that's a lot of getting up and down. That wasn't helpful.

Leif works for the next two days. So I have to reign this in by myself. 

So let's think:
Laundry: towels and shirts
Bathrooms: Jakob replace garbage bags into cans. Littles gather clothes to baskets.
Living Room: Garbage Check (everyone gather garbage and throw it away.) Littles gather Shoes, Blankets.
Kitchen: Garbage check. Jakob help put big things away. Clear eating area on table.

UPDATE:

So it's been a few hours. I was able to rally and get up and go. Thanks to a good friend who sent me a text cheering me on. Thanks to Facebook, she knew I was struggling. :) She was too. And she sent pics to let me know that I wasn't alone. :) So I decided to show some pics. The house isn't spotless. But it's sanitized and tidy enough. I am grateful for what we accomplished. Now I'm ready for a nap. :) :) :) 

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

The Power of a New Year

Some years January 1st has come and gone for me without enough time to even think about it, let alone set goals and ponder the future. Gratefully today I have time to sit and take it in, think it through, and set some goals.

I drew up five quick goals yesterday while multitasking with Leif. I found the scenario very fitting of our lifestyle. Here we were, Leif and I, driving together to Costco to shop. We're talking story, updating each other on life, and all the while I have my phone in my hand and I was jotting down five goals that I plan to follow throughout this upcoming year.

This is the classic picture of how our life rolls. Big events coming and going throughout the day-in and day-out normalcy of family life. My mind always going in a few different directions at one time. Leif patiently understanding how my mind works. Still knowing that I'm "with him", even though from an outside view it seems that I'm completely disregarding him and our conversation. ... Amazing!

So the five goals that I set aren't necessarily profound. They're the basics of living a Christ and family centered life. But as we know, living "the basics", isn't always the easy way. We tend to clutter our lives with much more then "the basics."  Clutter for me consists of sleep and binging on shows. Then I have the necessary evil of chores that have to be done. Such as keeping the how sanitary and tidy. Notice, I did not say "Clean and In Order." Those things happen. But they aren't always an every day occurrence.

There are a very few Christ centered things that happen throughout the week that I plan to continue. First, we pray a lot. It kinda feels repetitive, I won't lie. But I am so Grateful for every prayer that in spoken in the walls of my home. We pray over almost every meal (especially if Leif is home and meals aren't "fend for yourself." :) We pray before the boys leave for school. And we pray before they go to sleep. We read the scriptures every morning before the kids go to school. In the back of my mind I have a promise that a General Authority gave about the protection that comes to our children when we read the scriptures daily. I'm not naive enough to believe that we'll be spared from all bad things. But I absolutely count on the fulfillment of that promise every day as I send my boys out into the world. I need every assurance I can get that they will have angels surrounding them along their way.  And we go to church on Sunday.

Honestly, those things listed are huge in the life of our children. And I am grateful for the strength of body and mind that has allowed me to make these things a routine part of our daily life. This hasn't always been the case depending on my well-being. We celebrate every good day at our house. :)

This year I hope to add a few things to our routine that will bring us closer to Christ as a family and as a couple.

This year I am going to focus on creating a habit of reading the scriptures personally. I think I will read the Book of Mormon personally and the New Testament with Leif and then more with the family.

Leif and I will add a regular temple trip to our monthly routine. Setting an appointed day in the temple with the Lord.

These last couple, few years I have become more and more able to reach outside of myself and my family bubble towards friendships. This wasn't the case for several years. In fact, I was telling Leif yesterday how sad I am about this. During the time that I was "in my bubble" which was because of illness and grief, I missed out on the last years of a dear friends life. She past away a few years ago and I am often struck with the disappointment of that lost time. True friendships are so healthy and important in our lives here on this busy overwhelming earth. This year I am going to take time to strengthen my friendships.

Something that will most definitely be a challenge for me, I'll be honest. Is creating a habit of weekly Home Sunday School. That's what I'm calling it anyway. The church has given us a full curriculum to follow throughout every week as a family called Come Follow Me studying the New Testament. Now, if you have been an obedient member of the LDS church, you will have been having Family Home Evening lessons every week for years. Let's cut to the chase and let you know that our family has many a Family Home Evenings "playing" together. But the only "lesson" time we have are the life lesson moments throughout daily life and the morning scripture study. And any more then that, well, that is not going to be easy!  BUT, we will do it!! Leif and I are committed and the absolute blessing is that I know my boys are committed to following the commandments and guidance of the prophet as well. This, is all that we need to succeed. Some how, it will all work out...

Finally, this year, I am going to focus time daily on blogging. President Eyring talks about the fact that he writes in his journal Every Night before going to sleep, "no matter how tired" he is. So, I say to myself, if a man as busy as him can do that, so can I.

So, there it is: My five New Year's Resolutions for the year 2019!