Saturday, October 25, 2008

Remembering Our Baby LeOra

Today marks a day in time that I will never forget. My LeOra Lynn passed away two years ago today. As I sit and reflect the events of that day I am filled with mixed emotions. Mostly, I just run through the memories...
I had been laying in a hospital bed for 5 weeks up to this point in my pregnancy with the twins. My time in the bed was only interrupted by one daily outing allowance in a wheel chair. The majority of those trips were spent on trips to different procedures. On this particular day I had a stress test exam for the babies. This is where the ultrasound nurses watch the babies for over an hour at a time marking down different stages of development or signs of stress that they note while watching the babies.

After doing this daily for over a month, Leif and I got pretty good at deciphering the images on the sonogram machine. In this particular day the images were not unlike all of the others except the twins were a bit more calm. They were practicing their breathing though, and everything seemed to be going fine. However, about a half hour into the test I noticed (and heard) something that sent me into a shocked panic. LeOra's little heart started to beat at a steadily slower pace. When the nurse and I realized what was happening they rushed me into Labor and Delivery to prep for an emergency delivery.

On the way I remember trying to reach Leif on his phone. For some reason he wasn't answering (a Very Rare occurrence.) I don't think I really thought that we would lose our baby. At that point I was so focused on keeping them alive like I had been for the last five weeks. Losing them was not an option. We had of course discussed the possibility many times. But in my mind, my will was to keep them alive.

I had gotten a hold of a neighbor who went and told Leif he needed to get to the hospital. In a matter of 5 minutes I was in the Labor and Delivery room, hooked up to another ultrasound machine. This is when it became apparent that LeOra had passed away. My nurses and I cried together. My doctor soon came into my room. I immediately asked him to give me a blessing.

The mantel of peace and sustaining strength given to Leif and I through that blessing stayed with us throughout the weeks and months that followed the loss of our daughters. I ponder the strength that came to us and I am in awe from the love that our Father in Heaven has for us...

LeOra was delivered with her sister five days later. She of course was stillborn and her sister Rhea was born alive. Leif brought LeOra to me soon after they delivered her. As I looked at her I saw my little girl. I thought I would be nervous to see her. But I wasn't... I felt her spirit close by for many days. This was a comfort to me as I held her in my arms for the first time. She was dressed in cute fluffy soft clothes with a little hat on. She was so small... So precious.

Someday I will raise my LeOra Lynn. LeOra's middle name is Talithiacumi. This is what Christ said to a little girl as he was raising her from the dead. It means "Damsel, I say unto thee, Arise!" Someday our little girls will be resurrected and we will have the opportunity to raise them in a world of peace and harmony.

1 comment:

Molly said...

Her name is so lovely. Your sweet daughters must have been very, very special to our Heavenly Father because he wanted them back quickly. How special to have the pictures and memories of your beautiful LeOra. Our thoughts are with her and her sister this week.

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