Monday, September 05, 2011

Thoughts in Bulk

I have so much to blog about. I've had a lot of creative titles floating around in my head throughout the day. But I have VERY limited time these days. So, I will just post as often as I can and I will have to include multiple subjects within one post. So I apologize for the bulk posts:)

Yesterday was Sunday. Personally, as I walked out of the house on time for church (we had to give the prayers in Sacrament Meeting) I was just grateful that we were on our way. However, as we sat down in the chapel and all three of my children began to unanimously find their very worst habits and broadcast it to the whole congregation I found myself feeling darker and darker inside. I felt terrible and it was emanating from me, I know because Leif asked if I was okay. The truth was, for the first time in years I felt like I was going to burst into tears. Jakob was being very rude to me and I was not in a place emotionally to shrug it off. Caleb was freaking out, and JJ kept trying to escape under the benches. And then I realized that it was Fast and Testimony meeting and I hadn't thought about it AT ALL. It suddenly hit me how much my spirituality has been put on the back burner now that I am a wife and mother. And then the testimony meeting started and a hand full of children came up to share their testimonies and I couldn't help feeling a touch of fear that my boys might not ever "get it." Even after all that we do to try and help them spiritually on a daily basis. All of this was boiling up inside of me when a man began baring his testimony about his missionary experiences. He was sharing about the miracles that he witnessed and how faith in action can truly bring forth blessings in abundance. Finally, my tears broke free! I was a missionary a decade (and a lifetime) ago. However, the lessons that I learned about faith while on my mission have sustained me through thick and thin. They are lessons that I can not deny! I learned that when your will is in line with God's will ("please help us find those people who want to join your church, Lord") He will open the windows and doors of heaven and poor out His Blessings upon you. I know this from experience! If you believe He is there and He wants to bless you, then He Will!

I was very touched by this reminder. I was also filled with a renewed desire to bring myself in line with the Lord's will. The question that flowed through my soul Sunday was, "why can't parenthood be as clear cut and easy as missionary work." My guess is that it is because when we are missionaries, we have one goal and one purpose, with very few distractions. As parents and spouses we have A Lot of distractions and many different goals and roles to play. It can drain us of everything except for the drive to survive. I am weary of "survival mode." My prayer is that Leif and I can make the effort to truly line our hearts and wills with our Heavenly Father's. We're going to work on it one day at a time, one prayer at a time. In fact, that's literally where we are going to start. We recognized a clear difference between the prayers we said in sacrament and the prayers we say at home. Let's just say that our prayers at home are a lot shorter with a whole lot less specifics.  So, though the inclination to cry was strange on Sunday, I am truly grateful for the spirit that reminded me of the power of faith in action. I hope to remember it for...ever.;)

Leif and I planned a shopping get-a-way this weekend. We needed to buy furniture for the spa as well as do a huge grocery shopping trip. So we decided to spend the night in St. George and enjoy the time together. We were going to make it a date for just he and I. However, as I was packing the night before the trip Caleb was being a handful and I had the feeling that we should bring him along with us. Leif and I batted the idea around for the night and into the morning. We needed the time on this trip to be available for shopping. And a three year old can shut down a shopping trip really fast. We were nervous, but we decided to take him. And we are So glad that we did. We had a great time!! In fact, we've decided to make set plans for weekend trips alone with one of the kids every three months of so. We found a great hotel in St. George (Abby Inn) that I was able to enjoy because their mattresses were just soft enough. Leif and Caleb Loved the pool and hot tubs. Leif and I even watched a movie after Caleb fell asleep. Caleb thrived on the one on one attention. He was so cute that we were able to fall in love with him again. I think we all need that with our kids every once in a while. Ahhh, it was fun! FYI: Caleb handled the shopping like a pro until the last couple of hours. Leif stayed in the truck and watched a DVD with Caleb while I did the WalMart trip. It worked.:)

After my rough emotional morning yesterday I came home from church questioning my decision to home school more then I have this whole summer (that's saying something.) Jakob was being really mean to me. He stomped on my toes as we were gathering to leave the church. Uhh, yeah, we had an issue to deal with! When we were eating lunch Leif got out of Jakob that he was feeling really mad that we hadn't brought him anything from our trip. Something you have to know about Jakob is that his number one Love Language is Gifts. If you give him a gift, he takes that as an act of Love. Well through the help of the Lord, some how I was able to keep myself together and explain to Jakob that throughout the WHOLE trip I spent all of my thoughts, time, and money, planning and buying things for HIS home school. Surprises for him and I to do together for the year (Don't worry I thought about Caleb too and what he needs for school, but I was talking to Jakob;) Jakob's secondary Love Language is Time. If you spend quality one on one time with him, he considers that an act of Love. Luckily, I had let Jakob go through the bags that I brought home earlier. So though as he was looking through them he didn't consider them as a gift. Once we talked about it and I spelled it out for him his whole continence and attitude changed and he now recognizes that home school is an act of love towards him. It has been amazing! I pray that it continues!!

We spent the whole day setting up the "classroom" and going grocery shopping. We also had a Back to Home School party. Jakob did an outstanding job of entertaining himself without requiring the use of a screen. I had gathered up the Wii remotes and that meant no Wii or Netflix. Though Leif and him played Wii together for a little while during our party, Jakob and Caleb entertained themselves today by playing outside and building structures with Popsicle sticks and tacky glue. I think they may have used the whole thing of glue. But hey, I'm thrilled!

So I think I'm ready for school to start in the morning. The calendar's hung. A weather chart is next to it. My Subject Board is ready to go. Books are organized by month and subjects. September's lesson's are printed. And the Math DVD is here (and it looks great so far!) Oh! I even made a room-sized time line to line our ceiling.  It starts with the creation and goes by thousands of years and then hundreds of years up to today. We will post pictures and events on the time line throughout the year to get an idea of when things happened. I'm looking forward to that visual. The only things I need to do are hang the timeline, hopefully get our devotional book in the mail tomorrow, and hang the flag up. But we're good to go for tomorrow. I'm excited! I think Jakob is too. For the record: Leif gave Jakob a Father's Blessing today in preparation for school and it was very sweet.

We still have our kitties and so far, so good. They are really sweet and SO MUCH easier then puppies!! They are litter box trained with no problems! Caleb LOVES them. They are his rag dolls. I love watching him play with them (most of the time) sometimes he's rough with them and we have to take a time out. But over all it's been a good experience.

JJ is officially walking! I posted about him being close a little while ago and that very day ended up being when he started to take his first several steps. He is now walking more then crawling. It's so sweet and exciting and bitter-sweet all at the same time.


Heidi Hamilton said...

Wow! I enjoyed reading all of it.
1. Sigh.. I can relate with the lack of spirituality. It IS difficult to find the time & motivation to spend quality time with my Maker. I, too, am attempting to make it more of a priority.

2. That's so fun that you had that 1-on-1 time with Caleb. I know Ireland suffers from the "2nd child syndrome" and I'm trying to find more ways to have 1-on-1 time with her.

3. Back to Home School Night! How fun! And that you made it a family affair! You are so awesome Lena.

4. Some day soon we'd love to see your kittens before they're cats :) We should plan a temple date in St. George. We're going to be there next Tuesday :)

5. Yay for JJ walking!! :)

Love ya!

Sandra said...

Good luck with your school year. That would be challenging, I'm sure you do a great job!
I hear ya on having a hard time for spiritual thoughts as we are distracted with children. It seems like you may never be able to listen to a speaker because of children misbehaving but I know that they will know how important it is to me that they go. It's my biggest worry that a child will become wayward. It's one of those things you wish you could hand over to them but they have to gain a testimony on their own. Sigh...yep...parenting is not easy.

Harmony said...

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It is strange how we can feel so alone while so many of us are experiencing the same thing. I know I need to find a way to do that same thing with my kids and give them more one on one time. I am glad you took the time to put these thoughts down. I love to know what you are thinking and feeling. It makes me want to get back to blogging.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts