Two Positives Before a Negative

I have to try and think about some positive things in life right now. So I guess I'll blog them. . .

*Caleb and Jakob seem to finally be down for the night.
*Thank Heavens for Caleb's swing!

I am SO tired! I've felt like a zombie most of the day. My sleep allowance has been cut back this week.

*I was able to bake a dozen potatoes and take them to a post funeral dinner this morning. Glad to be able to contribute.
*I was able to shower and get semi put together this morning.

My hair is literally falling out. Figure it's adrenal and thyroid fatigue. I'm working on trying to rebuild strength.

*My friend Harmony came over and we were able to visit and help them out a bit with a few things. Always nice to visit with a good friend.
*Leif's mom came by to visit this morning too, we had a nice visit. They helped us again with some bills. Such a bitter sweet blessing.

Leif's manager forgot to turn in his hours this week, so he won't get a paycheck this week. Doesn't make sense, welcome to life in fast food.

*Leif was able to give two massages this morning. Sure grateful for the cash!
*Sure am looking forward to my nutrition and herbal medicine courses! I really enjoy learning about health and nutrition.

I wonder how we will balance Leif's school, his work, Jakob's school, and my school all at once. Luckily my schooling doesn't have deadlines.

*Leif and I are still loosing weight pretty steadily. Just eating healthy and taking a few supplements. I think the Omega 3 (Fish Oil) is helping the most!
*Leif found a website where I can create my own supplement regimen and they will capsulize it for me. I'm excited!

Found out that financial aid won't be available until school starts. We need it NOW!

As you can see, life is full of it's ups and downs. We're surviving. Weary, but hangin' in there! We've tried to think of all of the possible options of ways to make our life a little bit easier. We've concluded that no matter how hard it may seem, moving anywhere else right now would be harder. So we will keep going. We're praying for a better job for Leif and massage appointments for Leif until then (he's a Licenced Massage Therapist.)

I think I'll update the boy's blogs and try to get some sleep. Leif works evenings now. . . Not Fun!

Simple Woman's Daybook: July 29, 2008

For Today: JULY 29, 2008

Outside My Window... I wish that I could see out my window. They are all covered with plastic and curtains to keep out the heat.

I am thinking... That I am hungry, and that I have a lot I hope to accomplish today.

I am thankful for... My husband who will help the kids while I do this.

From the kitchen... My laundry piles beckon to me.

I am wearing... Enough to cover my body.

I am creating... An extended family blog today, for the Westwood side of the family.

I am going... To research vitamins for Leif and I, figure out my schooling plans, and work on the house today.

I am reading ... The Internet. I am hoping to purchase a few books as soon as money comes in!

I am hoping... That we'll be able to rent the house across the street, and that I can make some good headway on my projects today.

I am hearing... Jakob counting down to liftoff as he launches his toy rockets and jets.

Around the house... Everything beckons to me to do this and that they should be top priority.

One of my favorite things... Is to wake up refreshed after a really good nights sleep.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Draw up a plan for my schooling, conclude which supplements we'll be taking for adrenal fatigue, call Stacey about braiding rugs, call Visiting Teaching ladies.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing... Caleb is growing like a weed, more like a Sunflower:)

Married For Five Years

Leif and I have been married for five years this week. We have taken the opportunities as they came to celebrate throughout the week. We went out to dinner earlier in the week, and yesterday grandma watched the kids so we could go pick out a couple of DVD's and some ice cream at the store. It's a treat just going shopping without Jakob insisting that he NEEDS a new toy! Bless his heart!

Throughout the week I have pondered about the last five years and have been amazed by the journey that we have taken in only five years. So much happens in life so quickly. Before we know it we'll be married 20 years and our kid's will be adults.

Leif and I met in Hawaii. He was working as a massage therapist, I was working as a nanny. We were both living the single life in Hawaii. He was dating several girls and I was stuck on one certain guy. He lived alone in a little ghetto apartment, I had just moved out of a house where I had several room mates. We lead totally different lives. I loved to play at the beach and have all night guitar jamming sessions with the guys from the singles branch. Leif worked on the beach, dated, and hung out with his brother and family.

Once Leif and I finally had our eyes opened and hooked up we were practically inseparable. Living in Hawaii made for a very fun and romantic courtship! We hiked in the mountains, sat on the beach under the stars, strolled along the boardwalks, and drove along the oceans edge around the island. It all seems like a dream . . . I think it was . . . My dream had finally come true. I had found a man who was the kindest and the most peaceful man I had ever met. And he loved me! It was amazing!

It still is amazing. We've come out of the "rose colored glasses" stage. And the love is still there. I think our love stays strong because we have made the choice to keep it strong. We nourish it daily with the way that we treat each other. Our relationship is not perfect. But it is healthy and I thank the Lord daily for that gift.

A few of the highs and lows of the last 5 years have been the birth of our children. The death of two of our children. The creation of our business (Your Child's Nanny, a Nanny Agency). Selling our business. Moving to and from Hawaii. Moving back and forth from St. George to Fredonia. Starting school. Working a million different jobs and home businesses. Earning a Real Estate License. Grandma Stanger's death. Gradually turning the barn into a home. Traveling throughout Southern Illinois into Missouri. Living every day with a goal and a purpose in mind . . .

During our wedding reception a huge summer storm suddenly blew in. It had been a beautiful blue sky sunshine day up until the middle of the reception. We had to quickly gather things up and arrange our living room inside the house so that we could continue the reception out of the rain. It could have been an absolute nightmare! But with the help of family and friends and the peaceful comfort of the Lord it turned out to be a wonderful evening full of smiles and fun. That is how Mine and Leif's life together has been. Blue sky's and sunshine with some strong storms along the way. And I'm sure that it will continue to be this way throughout our life. But with family and friends and the Lord, we'll be fine.

Thank You Everyone!

I just want to thank all of you who have sent me your thoughtful and empathetic words of encouragement. I am feeling better and it was a good day. Thank you all for your Love!

Mama's Can NOT Get Sick!

I've been sick for too long. My house was clean two days ago. Really Clean. I forced myself to get it done even though I was sick. But that has to be an Every Day task. Now I feel like life is kindof melting around me. Leif is working hard to pay the bills. I'm trying to keep the family alive and well, and we're just doing the best we can. But. . .

What was/is your life like when you had two young children at home?

That is the question that I am hoping to get your thoughts on. Last night I went to bed feeling down and frustrated about our situation and I am hoping to be reminded that things really aren't as hard as they feel right now.

If you get this in an email form, I'd love for you to visit our blog and make your comments there! http://www.llbaronfamily.blogspot.com/

What year was it?
What was/is your living situation?
What was/is your employment situation?
What was/is your family health like?
Anything else you think might be applicable?

I'll draw you a short picture of our story right now. This is NOT a pity party! Honestly, I am grateful for what we have! Things just aren't easy and I'm sure we'll look back on these days and the lessons we're learning and smile. Writing it all down just helps me think things through.

Right now all the lights are off except for one, and the curtains are closed to save energy and keep out the heat and the cool air in. But I'll turn the lights on and really embarrass myself by snapping and sharing some photos of our reality...


There is a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house that is sitting vacant across the street. I am trying to convince Leif (and myself) that we should talk the owners into renting it to us and that we will be able to afford it if they will.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook is a wonderful network of "Simple Women" recording their supposed simple lives, yet often inspiring the reader of their Daybook. We write in our Daybook every Monday. Please feel free to join us! Click on the photo above for more information! Thank You Peggy for hosting The Simple Woman's Daybook!

FOR TODAY: July 21, 2008 (11:48PM) ...
Outside My Window... Right now I can't see out my window because it is covered by the curtain to block out tomorrows early morning sunrise. If I could see out, I'm guessing I would see that it is very dark out and the light of the street corner lamp in illuminating the neighbors back yard.
I am thinking... About how much I have enjoyed getting all of my blogs put together so well tonight, but I worry about how late it is and that I really should be asleep. The baby will wake to nurse before I know it.
I am thankful for... The gospel of Jesus Christ, Inspiring Women, and My Amazing Husband.
From the kitchen... I can see the glow of the nightlight that will light my path to the baby as soon as I am finished here.
I am wearing... An old button up light weight floral house dress. It was a gift from the local Humanitarian Aid Club - Thrift Store Clothes Give-Away at the local library. What a blessing they have been in our life!
I am creating... Wonderful blog (journals) for our family and my individual children. I hope that they will treasure them in the years to come.
I am going... To bed as soon as I am done here.... unless I think of something else I wanted to get done tonight.:)
I am reading... My scriptures a little bit more each week, the series Faith Of Our Fathers (a novel about life during the Civil War. Excellent!)
I am hoping... To feel a whole lot better tomorrow! My throat has been in pain all weekend.
I am hearing... The hum of the AC and the fan. Sometimes I wish I could just turn everything off and have silence. But then we can hear the neighbors dogs, and no matter how much I want, I can't turn them off!
Around the house... Things are actually quite tidy. Such a good feeling.
One of my favorite things... Is to have some quiet time to myself to do the research I so much enjoy (Natural Medicine), and to watch my three year old son dance!
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Pull a couple of big buckets under the roof where the rain runs off to catch it, then siphon it out and water the garden with the rain water. Go Visiting Teaching, Celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary, Celebrate Pioneer Day (Jakob will be on a float:)
Here is picture thought I am sharing... This is Leif and My Wedding Engagement Photo.

Still Sick But Getting Better

What a weekend! I honestly can't remember the last time I was this sick. I think it was when Jakob was 6 months old and I got Mastitis. I'm taking antibiotics and using some natural remedies too. My fave is Lavender oil. It's an anti-viral and I really like the smell.

We have missed Jakob, but it sure is a blessing that he isn't home. Hopefully he's missed this infection. I have been able to rest for the most part as much as I have needed to. Leif has been a great help!! I should be resting now... I will as soon as I'm done here.

Leif and I are kind of taking this time (even though I'm sick) to celebrate our five year wedding anniversary. With Jakob not home we can watch a movie without interruptions, well almost. We watched two movies last night and have a few more for today and tomorrow. We got a "Mormon" movie for today.

Leif's at church. He has done a really good job with his new calling as primary music chorister. He practically plans his own sharing time lesson to go along with the songs he teaches the kids every week. It has been wonderful!

Leif starts at Wendy's in the morning. No fun, but much appreciated by our little family! Thank you My Love!

Our garden is thriving thanks to Leif. I will put some pictures up soon. We should have a lot of tomatoes, peppers, squash, pumpkins, crazy corn, gourds, and cucumbers. Our wild flower garden is doing well too. We planted the first year of wild flowers when I was pregnant with the twins. It bloomed just as they passed away. We have planted it in their memory each year ever since.

Mama Is Sick Sick Sick!

Well it's official, I am sick! I've been hoping that the infection would pass by with just a trace of a cold. But it's not to be. We're in Alton resting and my body has taken to opportunity to really give an excuse to rest. My throat is really sore and swollen and my body aches all over. And I am Tired!

My sweet hubby is making me some homemade chicken and wild rice soup. MMM! It's YUMMY!

Jakob is up north with grandma and grandpa Baron and aunt Larissa and kids. He is doing well. Last night he struggled a lot before he fell asleep. Leif ended up doing story time and the rhyming game over the phone as Jakob tried to calm down. But he really struggled and brought me to tears as he cried that he wanted Mama to hold him. I sang to him as we both had tears rolling down our cheeks. He finally fell asleep while I sang to him over the phone. It was a sad but precious moment. Hopefully tonight is better.

Well, I'm going to eat my soup.

Realities Details

Our week so far has been filled with pondering, talking, and making decisions. Leif had a summer job all lined up to start when we got home from our trip. Shortly after we got home he started and soon found out it was not going to work out. The company was not established enough. They weren't really ready to have employees yet. So we have been job hunting... again.

When you live in a small town, your qualifications aren't really that applicable when you are looking for a job. The question is, who is hiring and are you willing to work for the amount that they are able to pay you? Leif was really hoping to start working for Zions Bank. But unfortunately because of the economy they are holding off on hiring for a bit. We are hoping that he will be able to work for them by the middle of next month. Until then, Leif has had to get a job at Wendys so we can pay the bills. I feel blessed that he is humble and responsible enough to take the job so he can take care of us.

Our health is still no fun. We all have colds and Jakob did end up getting it too. So we're smearing on our GOOT and taking our vitamins, and trying to get better.

We will all start school full time online the end of August. Leif will study with Dixie State, I will study with Global College Of Natural Medicine, and Jakob will be in Preschool and Dance. And Caleb will probably learn to sit up. :)

We have many blessings to be grateful for and many things to look forward to!

The Five Love Languages

Tonight I have been pondering a lot about one of the most helpful books that Leif and I have ever read together. We were blessed to read it right after we got married and we have referred to it throughout our marriage. It is called The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman. Rather then trying to convince you that Dr. Gary Chapman has some great advise, I will give you a taste of his great work and let you decide for yourself.

The following is from his website: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

"Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in “English”, if your spouse understands only “Chinese”, you will never understand how to love each other. . ."

Words of Affirmation
"Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved. . ."

Quality Time
"Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.
An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate. . ."

Receiving Gifts
"Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate. . ."

Acts of Service
"Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate. . ."

Physical Touch
"Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the
relationship. . ."

You can define what your love language is by taking a 30 second quiz on Dr. Chapman's website: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/ He also gives some suggestions on how to apply the love languages in our relationship as well as how to begin the reconstruction of a shaky marriage. Dr. Chapman addresses the following subjects on his website:

Making Marriage Work: It doesn't have to feel like a chore
Getting Started: Six First steps to a new beginning (from newlyweds to empty-nesters)
Conflict Resolution: Finding Hope in Anger's Clothing

The Frequently Asked Questions that are discussed on the website expand on a lot of struggles that we might face at one time or another.

Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage

1. How can I get him to really talk to me? answer
2. When do I address my spouse's irritating habits, and when do I "let it go"? answer
3. How do I nurture a spiritual relationship with my spouse when I don't feel comfortable praying out loud? answer
4. We are both working full time and when I get home, I start dinner but my husband comes in and sits on the couch. How do I encourage him to participate in household chores? answer
5. My spouse is not a believer, but I am. How do I cope with this? answer
6. My spouse professes to be a believer, but I see no fruit in his/her life. What should I do? answer
7. I found out my husband is addicted to pornography. Where do I turn? answer
8. I have tried, but I really don't enjoy sex. I am just doing it to be obedient. What can I do? answer
9. We got married because I was pregnant and now I feel like I have made a big mistake. Can I get a divorce or do I have to stick it out? If so, where do I start? answer
10. How can I get her/him to have sex more often and make sure we both enjoy it? answer
11. After being married one year, I'm not sure I'm "in love" anymore. Where could we have gone wrong? answer
12. I recently got married, but have been on my own for many years. How do we build a life together? How do I submit to my spouse's decisions after making my own decisions for so long? answer
13. My husband is in a position of authority within the church. I feel uncomfortable sharing my struggles with anyone at church and feel so alone. answer
14. My husband/wife is emotionally abusive. My friends are all telling me not to stay. When is it okay to leave? answer

Dr. Chapman also addresses a lot about anger and apology on his website and in his books. I appreciated his book titled Five Love Languages For Children too. I think it will be more beneficial later on down the road!

I really hope that you might find the Five Love Languages to be as helpful to you as it has been for Leif and I.

God Bless!

Where Does Jesus Live?

I have been thinking a lot about how we are teaching Jakob about the gospel and about the Savior. We are trying to make these subjects common topics of discussion. This morning as we walked into the church I reminded Jakob that we needed to be reverent because Jesus was with us and He wants us to be reverent. Jakob's eyes and ears perked up and he began searching. He began asking "Where is Jesus?" Then he saw the stake high councilman walking to the stand and he asked "Is that Jesus?" We would smile and try to answer him the best that we could.

He tried to figure out where Jesus was through the majority of the meeting. But as he was looking, I began to become more and more perplexed. How in the world do you explain to a 3 year old where Jesus lives? We could tell him that Jesus is in his heart. But that isn't entirely true. That is the Holy Ghost. Jesus is a physical being, therefore he can't dwell in our hearts. So where does He live? Well He lives in heaven. So, where is heaven? All around us. But why can't we see it? Well . . . ? There are answers to these questions. But they aren't the answers that a preschooler understands.

So Leif and I pondered about how we can help Jakob understand. Leif prayed about it, and this is what he came up with. Tomorrow for family home evening we are going to prepare a peach cobbler without Jakob knowing and have it cooking in grandma's oven when we go down for family home evening (we have FHE outside in the back yard) When Jakob walks in the kitchen he will surely notice that there is a delicious smell emanating from the oven. Thus the beginning of the lesson. We will talk about how we can smell the yummy cobbler, but he can't see it. But he knows it's there because of the sweet familiar smell.

That is like heaven and Jesus. Heaven is all around us. We can't see heaven or Jesus, (unless He wants us to) but we know that they are there because of the sweet feelings we feel when they are near. When Christ is near, the Holy Ghost witnesses this to our heart. It is up to us whether we recognize the feelings or not.
More Answers

Ponderings About The Girls

I often dream about the girls. Most of the time I am telling someone their story, or sometimes I am frantic because I know that I have a baby laying somewhere in the house and I have forgotten to feed it for hours and hours. Last night they were both there, but like it was when Rhea was born her sister had already passed away so I was panicking because no one had fed Rhea for the whole day. She was still alive. Caleb woke me up shortly after that dream... to feed him. Sometimes, like another dream I had last night I dream about others who have twins or triplets and I envy them.

But then, I wake up. And the emotions that are displayed in my dreams are no longer apparent. Except over the 4th of July weekend. The Sunday before the holiday there was a story shared in Relief Society about a little girl who had beat the odds in the NICU and even though the doctors told her parents she would have severe brain damage. She survived and had no signs of her early struggles. Of course not long after that someone told me another story very similar to this one. And I began to wonder . . . What if we would have held out just a little bit longer for Rhea?

I finally talked to Leif about it. He is always a light for me in dark times. He reminded me of the facts about Rheas health. She was showing signs of seizures. Her kidneys had failed. She would not have made it. And that is what the Lord told us. He reminded me that we got our answer. We knew what we had to do then. We should never question an answer from the Lord. Though we might not ever really like the answer, we must accept it to find true peace!