Saturday, July 12, 2008

Ponderings About The Girls

I often dream about the girls. Most of the time I am telling someone their story, or sometimes I am frantic because I know that I have a baby laying somewhere in the house and I have forgotten to feed it for hours and hours. Last night they were both there, but like it was when Rhea was born her sister had already passed away so I was panicking because no one had fed Rhea for the whole day. She was still alive. Caleb woke me up shortly after that dream... to feed him. Sometimes, like another dream I had last night I dream about others who have twins or triplets and I envy them.

But then, I wake up. And the emotions that are displayed in my dreams are no longer apparent. Except over the 4th of July weekend. The Sunday before the holiday there was a story shared in Relief Society about a little girl who had beat the odds in the NICU and even though the doctors told her parents she would have severe brain damage. She survived and had no signs of her early struggles. Of course not long after that someone told me another story very similar to this one. And I began to wonder . . . What if we would have held out just a little bit longer for Rhea?

I finally talked to Leif about it. He is always a light for me in dark times. He reminded me of the facts about Rheas health. She was showing signs of seizures. Her kidneys had failed. She would not have made it. And that is what the Lord told us. He reminded me that we got our answer. We knew what we had to do then. We should never question an answer from the Lord. Though we might not ever really like the answer, we must accept it to find true peace!


Molly said...

There is always a "what if" hanging over us in so many decisions. Some are major, like yours, some are small. We can never know and as hard as it is, at least for me, the "what if" must be overlooked because if we dwell on it, it can drive us crazy.

You made the right choices at the right time.

Heidi Hamilton said...

Love your posts. I think about you often and your sweet girls. I had a friend that just lost her almost 2 year old and it just seems unfathomable to me, but people like you inspire the rest of us so much and also help us to cherish every moment with the ones we love because no one is ever sure about tomorrow.
Hey - tell Heather to invite us to her blog.

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