Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Couple and Family Map Discussion Question

Class Discussion #1:1. Before answering this question you need to be familiar enough with Chapter 3 and Appendix A to give a meaningful response to this question. It is recommended that you complete assignment #1 before answering this question. Based on the assessment you just completed, discuss what it was (or is) like to live in the type of family system you identified on the Couple and Family Map (from assignment #1). Discuss what is/was the most enjoyable and the most frustrating aspects of living in this type of family system.

I found this assignment to be helpful to me personally. I actually applied this mapping to my Family of Creation as well as my Family of Origin to help me determine the differences. I did this because I knew that I am living in a very different family now then the one I grew up in. My Family of Creation is a Flexibly Cohesive family. My Family of Origin is a Chaotically Cohesive family. 

Living in a Flexibly Cohesive family allows me to heal (from a lifetime of chaos) and flourish as an adult. Our home is truly a safe haven. My good friend told me once that her four year old son told her that he wanted to come to play with my son because our home "felt good." This was a precious compliment to my husband and I.

We have a Family Motto that tells us in a few words where we stand as a family, including what role we each play. Our motto is, "We're All on the Same Team!" This gradually came into play as my first son grew and started to learn how to play games (particularly T-Ball.) Our three boys have come to understand that as a team Mom and Dad are the team captains and we are all working toward the same goals. Life is not a game of Parent's vs. Kid's. We all have to remind each other about this fact on occasion. But for the most part we are thriving as a family. 

Respect within our family is very important. I'm not talking about an authoritarian respect where someone is usually bringing them self up at the expense of another. I mean a respectful example. One where we as parents show our children how to treat each other by giving them a good example to follow. It is then expected that the children gradually apply this same example with their younger siblings as they grow. 

There is no such thing as a perfect family. I will never claim that our family is perfect. Perhaps I am just a bit more blissful about it because I have experienced a far from blissful family life. 

This actually leads into the frustration that often shows itself within our family. It is the bad habits and character traits that were formed within both (mine and my husband's) Families of Origin. I bring anger and anxiety. My husband brings jumbled communication skills. Gratefully we understand that change is possible and love endures!

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