Monday, September 10, 2012

It Is Time to Share

I think it's amazing that during the two most difficult times in my life (so far) -the loss of my twins and Leif being away at school-, I have written very little. This is a sad reality because there is so much to share and so many lessons learned. These are the times when the roots of empathy for other's struggles have been established in my own life. I am going to try harder to write more. To share more. Even if the posts aren't all cheerful. In fact, many of them might be abstract and melancholy. If this ends up happening, they will only prove the truth. Some of them will be deep and lonely. Some of them will be short and sweet smiles. Either way, they will be me.

So much is happening in my life right now. So much is happening within my body right now. I have finally admitted to myself and to my close family members, and now to you, that I am in a strange state of depression. An illness and stress induced depression. We know that there are contributing factors to the problem. We just haven't pin-pointed exactly all of them. Nor have we found the right doctors to help eliminate the antagonists. I pray that we will find each other soon.

So, there it is. I have told my readers many many of my health issues over the years. Including many that have led me to where I am today. But this is one of the most uncomfortable to discuss. It's deep and personal. It has multiple faces, names, and personalities. None of which are very pretty. This is one of the reasons that I don't write very often. It's just not a very fun subject. But I need to write. I need to challenge my mind and my heart to find a balance and the words to the feelings. I need to sift through the fog to find the reality verses the adversary. So I am going to force myself to write every night. You're in for some very interesting reading, I'm sure!:)  A pendulum of emotion and stories. It is time to share...
-BTW: I Totally Want That Clock!:)-


Heidi Hamilton said...

I'm so so sorry, Lena. I wish I could give you something that would make everything all right. You have my mom's book - My Journey From Darkness to Light, right? If not, let me know - I will get you a copy. She has lots of good ideas for those times of depression.
I will continue to pray for you & your sweet family.
PLEASE DO write. I find I've been writing more as I need to sort out feelings, too, and it's such a good thing.
Love you! PLEASE let me know if there is something else I can do. P.S. Wish I knew someone in Flagstaff area or someone that had some ins in that area for housing. Sorry! :(

Sandra said...

Letting others know how you feel is very therapeutic. I hope things get better.

Melonee said...

I hope that writing your thoughts out helps you in some way. I've missed your posts and am looking forward to new ones... your honesty and realness is refreshing :)

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