Thursday, February 26, 2009

The "Marriage Lifestyle" vs. The "Marriage Covenant"

I have a few very dear friends of mine who live in a way that weighs very heavy upon my mind and upon my heart. Up to this point I have just loved them through their decisions and supported them in the good choices that they make in life. But there comes a time when I just have to express my feelings. I love these people as their sister. I will forever love them! I pray that they will love me in the same way and love me through this post as well.

These dear people that I am pondering about have grown up just as I have with the gospel of Jesus Christ intertwined throughout their life. They know without a doubt the most prominent commandments of the Lord. They know that we should love God above all else. They know that we should love our fellow men. They know that we should not murder. And They know that fornication and adultery are an abomination against God and all that he has taught us! They Know This!

And yet, they have chosen to just test the waters of the marriage relationship before they dive right in. They are living the marriage relationship in every sense of the word, except for the covenant that goes along with it. They are in the water, but they have missed the boat! They will drown without this covenant. A covenant is a two-way promise. And within a marriage it is a three-way promise. It is a promise between the husband, the wife, and God, that no matter what happens, through the triumphs of life and through the heartache, they will bind themselves together and wait out the storms together. And in return, the Lord promises that He will sustain them through every trial. He will lighten the burdens upon their backs. He will open the doors of opportunity that only He can open. And ultimately, He will guide them to safety and peace in the end.

Without making this covenant, no matter how hard a person tries to believe otherwise, the Lord can not completely support them. Even if they are doing everything else right except for this. He Is Bound! When God makes a commandment He is also bound by those commandments. He has said that if we do not do what He has asked us to do, we have no promise.

It is easy to talk ourselves into believing that God loves us enough that he will love us through this or that sin. We rationalize that He loves us as a father and he'll have mercy upon us. We think, "He knows my weaknesses. He knows how hard this is for me. He knows my whole story and the heartaches that come along with it. Surely he will allow me to live this way." Unfortunately, God does know us perfectly. I say unfortunately, because this also means that he knows how strong we truly can be. He knows the beautiful story that will play out if we will follow His guidelines.

When a person chooses to go against the Lord and not legally and spiritually marry before living a "married lifestyle" they choose to close the door to God. Good things can still happen. God does not abandon his children. However, they miss out on all that COULD happen if they were living completely right.

Leif and I know the ever changing nature of life first hand. The thought of going through some of life's trials without the sustaining promises of the Lord is a terrifying thought to me. When we make a covenant with the Lord He is also bound by that covenant. He has to follow through. I know that it is only through our marriage covenant between each other and the Lord that we survived a pregnancy miscarriage and the loss of our twin daughters all within one year's time. The grief and heartache that comes from such losses can disintegrate a marriage and linger as a dark cloud in a persons life forever if they do not have the healing power and promise of the Lord in their life and marriage. Not everyone will go through the loss of a child in their lives. But Everyone will experience a refiners fire. It is our choice whether to prepare ourselves for the inevitable properly by following the commandments of the Lord, or just face them as they come and drown in the depths of the tumultuous waters.

I pray that these people whom I love so much will take a moment to reevaluate their situation. I know that some of them are taking great steps to strengthen their relationship. I am so glad to hear this. I know that it will bless their lives. But I also know that the complete fulfillment that they are seeking in their relationship will not happen until the covenant of marriage is made. The steps that are being taken are meant to be done within the bounds of a marriage covenant. The Lord longs to bless you completely. Yes, God knows of your fears and concerns. But as I said earlier, he also knows your strengths. It is possible to learn from past mistakes and trials and come out stronger in the end. I know that if you will make the right choices now, whatever they might be, you will Never regret it.

Decide if you truly love each other heart and soul. If you do, Get Married! If you don't, stop dragging each other down and move on (that advise does not apply to my already married friends!!). If you're waiting until you can have a beautiful wedding, go have a quiet ceremony somewhere and reap the blessings. Then let everyone celebrate with you later with a beautiful reception and full celebration. If you are just bound and determined never to get married outside of the temple, just know that it is too late for that in your current relationship. Just get married. Then set the goal to make things right.

I know I have said a lot. But I have said everything because I know the joy and strength that comes from a strong marriage covenant throughout the journey of life. I pray that you too will feel of this joy soon!

I Love You! I will Love you forever!


Sandra said...


Patricia Potts said...

I admire your courage and your love Lena

Molly said...

lovely put

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